The Lancastrian Oik

"Fleet Street's Equivalent Of The Rampton Secure Unit"

2009-11-05T01:56:00.000-08:00

Marvellous stuff from Rod Liddle.

The self-righteous and hysterical arrogance of Moonbat and fellow eco-wankers seems to increase daily, and Liddle isn't the first to remark that eco-Fascism has become a sort of secular religion.

Two things occur to me.

The first is that Moonbat's bonkers argument that denial of climate change by somebody like Clive James (and give me Clive James over Moonbat any day of the week) proves that global warming is real is uncannily similar to the ontological argument of St. Anselm and others.

The second is that this too demonstrates that the hysteria which accompanies eco-wanking has certainly gone beyond science into some sort of quasi-religious fervour. Forget the scientific method and any suggestion of calm, ponderous empiricism. Those days are gone; in which case it's probably too late to refer the eco-wankers to lessons which might be learned from history. Well, we might as well try anyway. Let's start with- oh, I don't know- Galileo, for instance, and remind ourselves of what the religious loonies did to him, and what he said:

“I do not feel obliged to believe that the same god who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.”

Mind you, even if someone did quote Galileo to Moonbat it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference, because like all fanatics he and his fellow wankers are too certain of their own Righteousness to listen to fair and reasoned argument. All you get is posturing and finger-wagging and tut-tutting.

Patronising Lies And Seigneurial Arrogance

2009-11-04T01:46:00.000-08:00

I didn't pick up this rather splendid bit of Labour-biffing by Minette Marrin in the ST straight away, but came across a link to it in the comments on Michael White's explanation of Alan Johnson's apologia.

White dismisses Neathergate as so much tinfoil-hatted blethering; but he's wrong:

'In the process he claimed to have seen "an early draft" of a long-forgotten No 10 analysis paper that saw inward migration as a means to "rub the right's nose in diversity".

'That was enough for conspiracy theorists'.

The analysis paper may be long-forgotten (and the conspiracy theorist would also suggest well-hidden), but the policy wasn't because we've seen the result and Johnson has just apologised for it, for Christ's sake. It clearly was not a throwaway comment and White should not dismiss it as such.

Ignoring his own attempts to make light of the situation, White continues:

'The text included a large wedge of apology and explanation: apology for "maladroit" handling of sensitive issues too long ignored by governments of both parties, explanation of what Labour has done to put things right since 2004.'

Naturally, since Labour can do no wrong in the eyes of Guardianistas, we get a quick tour of Labour immigration policies. But wait- what's this?

'As asylum applications rose UK ministers also declined to join EU neighbours like France in restricting workers from the new member states, notably Poland, heading west in 2004. That was almost certainly the moment Labour was seen to lose control of its policy. Instead of the predicted 13,000 new arrivals, up to 1.5 million eventually arrived.'

Er- that was in 2004, Michael, when according to you, Labour began to 'put things right'.

If you've been sussed by a sizeable majority of the electorate as having lost control of your borders with a failed immigration policy then an apology is in order. Johnson made no mention of Neathergate, probably because the story seems to have had no resonance- why, when it would seem to be yet another example of what Marrin rightly describes as Labour's "patronising lies and seigneurial arrogance", I don't know.

One thing is certain- Labour and their useful idiots such as White can posture and condescend all they like, but this isn't going to go away.

Muddied Thinking

2009-11-03T07:19:00.000-08:00

I'm a football fan; hopeless at the game myself, but alive to glory and daftness and the friendship that comes with supporting your team, which in my case is Burnley FC. Life as a Burnley fan is currently pleasant on the whole, but I remember the days when we were in the basement division, and that particularly awful day in 1987 when the extinction of my beloved club seemed to be a real possibility.

Detailing how that near miss came about would fill a book, but there's no doubt that woeful mismanagement of the club's finances in the preceding seasons was largely to blame; this was in the days before the Premier League of course, when journeymen made decent wages and the superstars were paid as much as a surgeon or a QC as opposed to today's Hollywood extravagances at some stellar clubs (and at some non-stellar clubs with aspirations- read on).

However, our story, and the more recent travails of the likes of Leeds or Southampton, appears to have no resonance with anyone on Planet Football, where every figure- from player salaries to debt- seems to have acquired two or three extra zeroes on the end.

Leeds United were spectacularly badly managed off the field by a board which included Peter Ridsdale who contrived to rack up debts of £100 million; the Leeds United "business plan" basically consisted of betting the ranch on transfer fees and exorbitant salaries and would only have worked had Leeds reached the the semi-final stage of the Champions' League every season.

After a less-than-succesful sojourn at Barnsley, Ridsale ended up at Cardiff City and seems to be working his magic there. Cardiff moved to a new stadium recently, and although Cardiff City Council stumped up 70% of the costs, the club sourced the remainder by way of a bridging loan from developers- by my reckoning, that comes to £15.6 million. According to Wales Online, Ridsdale insists that the new stadium will be "debt free" within 12 months:

“I am confident that the stadium will be debt-free in 12 months by paying the money we borrowed off PMG,” said Ridsdale.

“The funding for that fee will be done through normal financial institutions and nothing to do with any new potential investment.

“The stadium debt is a totally separate debt to Langston.”

I'm not sure how borrowing from Peter to pay Paul equates to being "debt free", and that reference to Langston is significant, as Cardiff City owe (depending upon whose version you rely on) either £15 million or £24 million to that company which seems to be associated with former chairman Sam Hammam.

That's about £30.6 million, then. Hell's bells.

Meanwhile, Hull City's finances are in disarray, with auditors attaching a "going concern" note to the recently-published accounts. The club's wage bill is £40 million, which effectively means that just about every penny they get from Sky TV/Premier League goes straight out again. They need to find another £23 million from somewhere to meet existing liabilities.

£23 million debt and £40 million in wages. Bloody hell.

Things aren't looking too good over at Ipswich Town, either as debt under the ownership of Marcus Evans now amounts to £35 million quid and Ipswich have plummeted to the bottom of the Championship so quickly it looks as though the club has a very large but invisible anvil tied around its metaphorical neck.

Three middling football clubs owe nearly £90 million quid between them. Jesus H. Christ on a little pink tricycle, where will it end?

Moral Insanity

2009-11-03T02:14:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think I might be in some kind of parallel universe scenario; there seem to be two entirely incompatible realities, and I flit from one to the other. It's baffling and frustrating- I lose my temper a lot, which can't be good for me.

Like this, for example- *flip*- it's just happened. Yeah, that's right. We're giving away millions to a country which has nuclear weapons and can fire stuff into space, but which has real, grinding poverty and massive social and religious divides. Can't be true can it? Why would they need our money, for Christ's sake?

"There are more poor people in India than the whole of Africa … if you are serious as a global community about [meeting the millennium development goals] then you have to do something about the level of chronic poverty in India," said a useless sanctimonious tosser masquerading as a Cabinet member. (Just thinking about that horrible little twat makes me want to go to the gym and pound the living shit out of the heavy bag until my arms are ablaze with lactic acid and my knuckles are skinned and raw. Like I've said before, it's all about keeping fit).

Now that's bad enough isn't it? I mean, they can make reactors and fly stuff to the moon but they still have millions of people living in shit.

Then- *flip* - it's happened again, because this can't possibly be real, can it? One-eighth of the IMF's gold reserves? Nuclear reactors? Space missions? They shouldn't need our money- but they're going to get it because the whole world is governed by moral cretins.

Bluebottle's Big Adventure

2009-10-30T03:16:00.000-07:00

Bluebottle at the F.O. yesterday

Liquorice-and-string "Foreign Secretary" Miliband has done it again.

Not all that long ago, he fucked up royally by telling the world that sometimes terrorism was "effective" and "justifiable". This was, of course, said in connection with the death of ANC activist and, er, terrorist, Joe Slovo who was apparently a mate of Miliband's dad. What is it with Hampstead Lefties and their inability to come to terms with the notion that the end does not justify the means? And what is it with this dozy little fucker, who cannot even grasp the simple proposition that even if you do have some sympathy with some kinds of terrorism, whilst holding the post of Foreign Secretary, it might be a good idea to keep your gob shut on this one. For fuck's sake.

Anyway, he's done it again. So desperate are Labour to smear the Tories with anything that Miliband has ended up pissing-off all of Poland and all of Latvia. Whooo. Well done, son. Party before country every time. Nice one.

Miliband has been touted recently as a potential "EU Foreign Minister", and even more remarkably as a future Labour leader once he's done a Granita-style deal with Bluebottle Minor. Well, it looks as though the ever-more contagious curse of Brown has rubbed off on David as well as Tone and neither will be off to Brussels anytime soon. Which leaves Rachel Sylvester's remarkable suggestion that Labour's problems could be solved by putting either one of these overrated shitheaded policy wonks in charge. Christ, they must be desperate if this is really their best option.

The Twelve Commandments

2009-10-29T04:43:00.000-07:00

A design for life.

And Now An Unexpected And Unprecedented Outbreak Of Common Sense At The Guardian

2009-10-28T08:10:00.000-07:00

Who'd have thought it?

Not quite the whole story, of course, because as more than one of the commentators points out, this farrago was created by the kind of shithead who takes the Guardianista line on social affairs very seriously indeed. Are we going to see an end to tut-tutting at people who are "judgmental"? The demise of "diversity" and "inclusivity" making a mockery of everyday standards of decency and discipline?

God knows.

Coming soon- "Bears shitting in woods do not exacerbate AGW".

"Happiness By The Way Of Virtue"

2009-10-26T06:22:00.000-07:00

"Is it not He whose immortal hand, engraving on the heart of man the code of justice and equality, has written there the death sentence of tyrants? Is it not He who, from the beginning of time, decreed for all the ages and for all peoples liberty, good faith, and justice? He did not create kings to devour the human race. He did not create priests to harness us, like vile animals, to the chariots of kings and to give to the world examples of baseness, pride, perfidy, avarice, debauchery and falsehood. He created the universe to proclaim His power. He created men to help each other, to love each other mutually, and to attain to happiness by the way of virtue".

Robespierre "On The Principles Of Political Morality" [1794]

If you're going to be a tyrant, bloodthirsty or otherwise, and you're determined to foist an ideology upon the populace- who may or may not be completely ignorant as to exactly what you're up to- it always helps if you've got a firm sense of righteousness, an overwhelming certainty that the way to virtue has been made clear to you and a few other fellow travellers. Anyone who disagrees is to be pitied or despised, and must be shouted down or simply disposed of; whether that is done by setting the parameters of acceptability of certain terms of the language in which debate is conducted (political correctness to you), or by skilful and underhanded use of propaganda, or by mass murder, it doesn't really matter to the tyrant because the end always justifies the means.

So whether it's Robespierre and his slavish and murderous adherence to the mad ideas of Rousseau, or Chairman Mao's Little Red Book, or the genocide of Pol Pot, it matters not that people suffer, because all will be worth it in the end when whoever is left out of the poor bastards who've been forced to endure the tyrant's whims will be all the better for it; Daddy knows best, and Daddy will- well, not set you free, exactly, but you'll be a virtuous citizen of a virtuous state.

Exactly why Andrew Neather's revelations in the Evening Standard haven't made more of an impact when virtually every intelligent man and woman in the country has been pondering the impact of the BNP, actual or potential, I can't understand.

But what Neather has to say is simply astounding; knowing that a policy of allowing mass immigration would more than likely alienate their hitherto core constituency, the white working and lower-middle classes, Blair, Blunkett & co. nevertheless went ahead anyway. They were sure that this was the right thing to do, the viruous way, the "progressive" (I'm starting to loathe that word, you know) way. Don't tell the plebs what we're up to; they won't understand, the racist slobs; far better that we get the job done without them knowing, then tip them off when it's finished; "Look what a lovely rainbow nation we created when you were all busy watching and voting on 'X-Factor' and 'I'm A Sleb . . .". Isn't it marvellous? Told you the Tories and the BNP were racist bastards. We've rubbed their noses in it . . ."

Of couse it never occurred to Blair and his cohorts to have even the slightest scintilla of self-doubt over whether it was right and proper to tinker with the ethnicity and cultural mores of an ancient nation state without telling the electorate; theirs was the virtuous way, and beyond could only lie happiness. We the electorate are also to blame; the clues were there right from the start with Blair's creepy evangelistic streak and that quasi-Fascist claim that Labour would become nothing less than "the political arm of the British people as a whole". We should have listened, and realised earlier what they were up to and kicked the buggers out before now, when it's too late and the damage has been done.

The bastards. The dirty, rotten bastards.

Quote Of The Day

2009-10-23T01:47:00.000-07:00

On 5Live just now:

Nicky Campbell: "Some of these protestors were using what could be described as Fascist tactics. They were singing- excuse the bad language-

"Build a bonfire, build a bonfire,
Put Nick Griffin on the top.
Put the Nazis in the middle,
And then burn the f******** lot"

Have these people had an irony bypass? Burn Nick Griffin?

Interviewee: Well, he's an inflammatory figure

I Predict A Riot

2009-10-22T04:26:00.000-07:00

According to Guido, this article shows that Blair has no chance of becoming "President" of the "EU", courtesy of Sarkozy.

On the the other hand, the "Mail" reckons he's a shoe-in.

How do you reconcile these two apparently contradictory stances? Well, the key could be the soon-to-be-law Lisbon Treaty, and the powers accruing to the EU Council; according to Declan Ganley in the "Wall Street Journal" :

"The Lisbon Treaty, like the EU Constitution would have, puts this idea of post-democracy into practice in a number of concrete ways. The most striking is Article 48, universally known by its French nickname, the passerelle clause. It says that "with just intergovernmental agreement, with no need of going back to the citizens anywhere, they can make any change to this constitutional document, adding any new powers, without having to revisit an electorate anywhere," Mr. Ganley explains. "Do you think they want to revisit an electorate anywhere? Of course they don't." If the Irish vote yes, in other words, Oct. 2 would mark the last time that Brussels would ever have to bother giving voters a say on what the EU does and how it does it. Ireland would have, in effect, voted away the last vestige of European direct democracy not just for itself, but for the entire continent.

The passerelle clause is not the only evidence in the treaty of a post-democratic mindset. "The other thing it does," Mr. Ganley says, "is it creates its own president—the president of the European Council, commonly referred to as the president of the European Union." This EU president, Mr. Ganley notes, "will represent the European Union on the global stage. This will be one of the two people that Henry Kissiner would call, in answer to his famous question, when I want to speak to Europe, who do I call? He's now going to have a telephone number, a voice that speaks for Europe, because that voice will have half a billion citizens, legally."

What are the odds on "President" Blair conceding to "pressure" from our "European colleagues" when it comes to the pound?

"Any currency other than the Euro shall be illegal, and sanctions will apply to any Member State which does not take steps to convert to the Euro within twelve months of this resolution", invoking the passarelle clause.

Is that what Mandelson's been up to all along? Is this where it's all been going? Or am I in danger of needing a tinfoil hat? I honestly don't know, but President Blair plus imposition of the Euro can only mean one thing to my mind: we would have civil unrest.

Keir Starmer Gets His Knickers In A Twist

2009-10-22T02:54:00.001-07:00

D.P.P. Keir Starmer has seen his arse over Tory plans to discard the Human Rights Act and to replace it with a new Bill Of Rights. In so doing, he has transgressed a constitutional boundary- the DPP is appointed to prosecute the existing criminal law, not to foment openly, or agitate, or politick about the possible strategy of a putative government (of course, the reality of a Tory government grows more likely every day, and the blurring of constitutional boundaries by NuLiebore appointees is nothing new).

So why has Starmer become quite so upset?

Well, a quick sift through the archives gives us a big clue; although Starmer has prosecuted, prior to his appointment he was not exactly renowned as a criminal lawyer- his undoubtedly impressive forensic skills lie in another area of law entirely, and as his Guardian profile trumpets:

"He was called to the bar in 1987, initially joining the old Middle Temple chambers of John Mortimer and the Liberal Lord Hooson before moving on to Doughty Street, specialising in human rights issues and founded among others by Helena Kennedy and Geoffrey Robertson".

Furthermore:

". . . he has been one of the key developers and interpreters of human rights legislation in recent years".

And:

". . . Starmer's motivation is to establish concern for human rights at the heart of the legal system."

Perhaps not surprisingly:

"He is a Labour supporter" (you're shitting me) and, inevitably, ". . .he is a passionate Arsenal supporter"

Now it becomes clear- an archetypical New Labour "I left my heart in Islington" uber-male who has made a career exploiting the wildcat bonanza created by the HRA foresees the day when his current raison d'etre as a lawyer gets flushed down the toilet by the detested Tories. No HRA= no immediate area of expertise, and he'll have to hit the books again once he leaves office.

Fuck me, no wonder he's upset. Still, I'm sure there's a set of chambers somewhere who will take in a destitute ex-DPP a few years hence; and he might earn a bob or two unravelling the complexities of the BoR, which (hopefully, but I'm not holding my breath) will roll back some of the more worst excesses engendered by the HRA and its champions, chief amongst whom is still Keir Starmer QC.

Bienvenue Aux Pays De Pederastes

2009-10-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

I hope I got that right- it's been a few years since French O-Level. I got an "A", by the way, and the two exchange trips I went on with my school played no small part in that. The French kids came and stayed with us, too, and it was all bloody good fun; "smooching" at the school discos with French girlies, finding that it was easy to buy beer in cafes, and some of the mecs would lend you a Mobylette with which you could practice falling off.

There have been several generations of children who've benefited from these trips, but that's all going to come to an end any time soon, because now the Righteous have stuck an oar in, and all prospective host parents will have to undergo CRB checks before their child's designated foreign friend comes to stay.

I strongly suspect that a great many parents will say "sod it", either because they can't be arsed or there might indeed be some slight indiscretion in the past which they'd rather not be made known to their offspring's schoolteacher(s); the slight indiscretion might even mitigate against them being deemed suitable, because you can't be too careful when it comes to the cheeldren.

But the ISA has been set up, and must be found work; and ACPO needs to make its 18 million quid.

For Christ's sake, how did we get ourselves in this state?

Knock The Tree Down, Man

2009-10-20T03:13:00.000-07:00

Now that Brown has jumped on the enviro-mentalist bandwagon claiming that there are less than fifty days to save the planet, and following the Maldivean Cabinet's publicity stunt, I had a quick look at Watt's Up With That.

This is an amazing story- mostly because it has never been reported anywhere in the MSM. Not only are the Maldives not sinking, they are rising; furthermore, in order to obfuscate evidence that doesn't fit in with their mad Chicken-Licken worldview, enviro-mentalists knocked over a tree which acted as a marker to show that sea levels were receding.

Record Profits, And How To Justify Them

2009-10-19T05:13:00.000-07:00

As we already know ACPO makes £18,000,000 per year from criminal records checks.

Various Dibbles have been appealing against an Information Tribunal ruling that criminal records which detailed old and minor criminal offences (shoplifting , fiddling fruit machines back in the '70s, a caution for common assault etc.- really petty shit) should be destroyed:

" The tribunal ruled that in each of the cases the conviction information was irrelevant and excessive for the purposes for which it was held and had been retained for longer than necessary. The judgment said that although the tribunal was not drawing up general rules, the decision would inform the future approach of both the police and Information Commissioner to storing criminal convictions."

Quite right, too. The last time I looked, the Rehabilitation Of Offenders Act was still on the Statute Book, and that's also quite right. I used to be prosecuting lawyer in what seems like another life, and a right nasty bastard I was too. But even someone as hawkish as I am when it comes to crime and how we deal with it has to recognise that people do grow up and away from stupid shit they got nicked for when they were young/stupid/full of the local fighting ale. The criminal justice policies of every incumbent Home Sec. since Willie Whitelaw have, almost without exception, followed the same line of thinking except they've exaggerated it to the point where some really nasty stuff is dealt with by way of caution; and probation and CSO and tagging are routinely used where previously a prison sentence was deserved. As for the length of the prison sentence itself- don't get me started, or we'll be here all day. . .

Anyway, back to ACPO and their "Director of Information", Ian Redhead. I heard Redhead on 5Live just now. It was put to him that, really, a conviction for petty theft in the 1980s should not be a bar to employment now. Not so, according to Redhead; when it came to "working with children and vulnerable people" (the Righteous' rallying call when it comes to increasing authoritarianism), the clues might all be there. The applicant who wishes to become a foster parent, where honesty is an issue, might have lost her last three jobs for dishonesty but not been prosecuted; in which case an old conviction for dishonesty stays relevant, and old convictions and cautions should be retained and disclosed.

Huh? Why can't the Righteous stand that concept on it's head? Why can't it be the case that the applicant retains his or her right not to have irrelevant cautions or convictions disclosed? And why can't it also be the case that an applicant can't have that right overridden to the point where the RHA sanctions and restrictions apply unless the would-be employer/supervising authority has to show good and relevant reason(s) as to why the applicant's record ought to be examined?

Well, ACPO makes a shitload of money from this kind of authoritarian crap, and it needs a market. That market is a steady stream of applicants for jobs such as cleaners in care homes, would-be nursery nurses, prospective adoptive parents, Brownie supervisors . . . the list is potentially endless. What I call "real" criminals, those who've been shooting up smack since the age of thirteen, nicking cars, screwing houses, setting fires, drug-dealing, shoplifting to feed the habit- they are never, ever going to be applying for jobs or positions like this. Oh sure, one or two a year get themselves out of the spiral, and sometimes they become social workers or frontmen for drug rehabilitation charities. But serious hardcore crims are usually locked into their lifestyles for life (shame they're not simultaneously locked into prisons but there you go). Likewise, the feckless and shiftless- they're not serious crims, they're just useless and are trapped inside the benefits culture so they won't be applying either.

No, as usual it's the aspirant poor, and the conscientious working- and middle-class who'll bear the brunt of all this. The kind of people who might once have been done for- quel horreur!- drink driving, or got in a scrap at the footy in the 80s, or got caught shoplifting as a juvenile, but who have since grown up and away from all that, got themselves married- you get the picture. They're the ones who are going to be caught out by this. Market forces and the concerns of the Righteous will see to that.

We must all "think of the cheeldren". All of the time.

What a horrible state we're in.

Now Hear This . . .

2009-10-17T06:55:00.000-07:00

"This" being what my mate Denverthen has to say about that smug creep Duncan Bannatyne and his brand of nasty illiberal bullshit.

What Bannatyne and his ilk need to realise is that life in modern Britain is not predicated upon some sort of utilitarian equation with "the cost to the NHS" at its core (which is bollocks anyway because smokers are net contributors). Neither is it about smokers somehow endangering others by "secondhand smoke", because as many others have pointed out (here, for instance) that's also bollocks- all secondhand smoke did was make somebody else's jumper smell nasty when they got back from the pub.

No. It's about ancient and fundamental freedoms, one of which is me being free to do whatever I fucking well like with my own time, money and body, so long as it doesn't harm anybody else. If I take a risk, or somehow put myself in harm's way, that's my problem, but I've forked out enough in taxes and invested sufficiently in private healthcare to have a reasonable expectation that one way or another a doctor will do his or her best to patch me up if I come unstuck. And the Righteous, like Bannatyne, can just fuck off and stay out of my way and out of my life. I'm getting fed up with this shit, and there are a lot more like me out there.

UPDATE

Tip of the hat to Dick Puddlecote who spotted this excellent article about how one-sided "healthist" arguments work.

Democracy At Work

2009-10-17T06:36:00.000-07:00

Geert Wilders describes Islam as a violent religion. Some Islamofascist nutters prove his point by turning up mob-handed and openly issuing death threats.

Nobody gets arrested, despite the constant threats against Wilders.

"Why is he hiding?" asks one jihadist jizzbrain. Like me, you'll probably be unable to prevent yourself from screaming "Because you dickheads keep threatening to kill him, you fuckwit!"

And Dibble stands idly by. . .

I'm Back

2009-10-17T06:34:00.000-07:00

OK folks- I hope the few of you who've been loyal to this blog haven't deserted me. Normal service will now be resumed.

Gone Fishing. . .

2009-09-23T12:52:00.000-07:00

. . .or something like that.

I'll be back in a few days.

Shit- looks like things are getting interesting and I won't be here to rant.

Communication Breakdown

2009-09-16T06:05:00.000-07:00

I listened to McMental's speech to The Brethren yesterday- whew.

There's something about that delivery- the droning, error-strewn pomposity, those fake statistics extrapolated from guesswork; my brain stops working and I suffer from a something akin to mental tinnitus where language is pushed through some sort of William Burroughs-derived sieve.

So here are my personal highlights from McMental's "Song Of The Doomed"-

"750,000 tractors lifted out of poverty between 2002 and 2005 . . .

3 billion children exported to the Third World, ensuring prosperity and free dental care for newly-qualified midwives . . .

3,000 anacondas cleared from playgrounds and similar newly-created public spaces and relocated to schools and hospitals, thereby reducing waiting-lists . . .

The existing debt which had to be paid off by the incoming New Labour government in 1997 . . ."

Hang on a minute, he actually said that last bit, didn't he? Lying bastard.

Great Timing, Polly

2009-09-15T02:29:00.000-07:00

Toynbee (I know, I know) is banging on about the proposed extension of CRB checks.

In her attempts to defend this preposterous scheme, she tries to draw some sort of parallel between awful cases such as Peter Connolly and Victoria Climbie, and the mad bureaucrats of the ISA; basically, says Toynbee (I know, I know), ministers are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Bollocks, say I, and here's why: the two scenarios have absolutely bugger all to do with each other. As I blethered on at great length yesterday, the real danger to children comes from within the home, and it's usually the stepfather who's to blame. This requires policemen, medics and social workers to do their jobs properly; this in turn requires them to believe the evidence of their own eyes and not stand logic and common sense on their respective heads for fear of being perceived as "judgmental". So when the recidivist smackhead with convictions for GBH shacks up with the feckless baby-mother who's already on your books get ready, because chances are the kiddies are going to get a right good hiding or be sexually assaulted as well as remaining malnourished and filthy.

There are some paedos out there, in very small numbers; they aren't on every street corner, but there are one or two in schools/Scout groups/swimming clubs etc. There's also a chance that Uncle George might have one or two nasty tendencies, which is why he's keen to take Billy camping. Uncle George won't have had a CRB check, and won't need one. Swimming coach will have had a CRB check, but nothing has showed up; that's because he hasn't been caught yet. Mrs. Jones-from-down-the-road, who plays the organ in the Methodist church and whose grandchildren live in New Zealand and who's volunteered to drive the kids to Brownies every other Wednesday doesn't need a CRB check but will have to have one under this crackpot scheme (although if I were in charge I'd make sure she can drive reasonably well, because that's a far bigger risk in my view). Use your head; try to get your kids to use theirs too- don't shirk your responsibilities and expect the state to cover for you, because all the evidence shows that it won't do the job properly.

What we need is an outbreak of common sense and a realistic appraisal of risks, not a wholesale retreat into box-ticking and arse-covering. Toynbee (I know, I know) just doesn't get this- Big Government is the only way, when it's clear that where intervention is sanctioned it just doesn't work, and where further intervention is proposed it's unnecessary, intrusive and divisive.

CRB checks.

2009-09-14T03:13:00.000-07:00

I don’t like anecdotal evidence; I really hate those knobheads who ring up Victoria Derbyshire or Jeremy Vine to say things like “My old mum was in hospital after she fell over last year and the staff were wonderful to her”, or “If it wasn’t for the NHS, I wouldn’t be alive today.” My instantaneous reaction is to growl “Yeah right.” Because I’ve seen how brutal and impersonal NHS staff can be with the terminally-ill elderly, and I cannot quite get to grips with the mindset of a person who believes that if there were no NHS then there would somehow be no doctors, nurses, hospitals or ambulances. So I hate anecdotal evidence and I grumble and swear at the radio and my wife comes in from the garden and turns the radio off and bollocks me for ranting again.

Right- now for some anecdotal evidence about cases of child abuse, and the likely effectiveness of widespread CRB checks. Yeah, yeah, I know- just bear with me.

More years ago than I care to remember, the Oik was entrusted with the task of standing up on his hind legs in the magistrates’ courts of this country and telling it like it was on behalf of coppers and other aggrieved persons. That’s right- I was a prosecutor and I worked for that generally despised organisation, the CPS. This is not the time or place to tell you why that criticism was ill-founded (it was, believe me) but rather to share with you my thoughts on child abuse cases.

I worked in a large post-industrial town in the North West of England. I signed the OSA when I joined the CPS, and reporting restrictions mean I’m going to have to be deliberately vague when it comes to some details, but again, bear with me.

Let’s consider first the case of Mr. O. He was a brawling, drunken, violent, dishonest man with the proverbial “more form than Arkle”. Scattered amongst his “previous” were one or two convictions for indecent assault, usually committed when a pissed-up O, scrawny and unprepossessing, covered in prison tattoos and with broken, stained teeth and halitosis and BO that enveloped him like a brown fog, took a shine to a lass and wouldn’t take no for an answer- he’d end up getting kicked in the balls instead, and the lass would run off and find a copper and O would get “gripped”. Despite his general nastiness, some women would succumb to him (God knows why, unless they had no sense of smell) and he’d fathered many a mini-O, who were then of an age where they were beginning to clog up the lists of the Juvenile Court. Eventually he inveigled his way into Mrs. N’s affections, and her home. Mrs. N, no saint herself, had many, many children, some of whom weren’t in “care” and were still living at home. The inevitable happened; O began interfering with two of the early teenage girls. He also spied upon them via a hole in the bathroom wall, and he’d creep into bed with them late at night. It would be some years before the girls made complaints, but O was later convicted of indecent assault at the Crown Court and was jailed for a number of years.

Now let’s consider the case of another step-father/pervert, Mr H.
H was a well-spoken and widely travelled man, and in early middle age he took up with the mother of the two girls who became his victims. H repeatedly raped and occasionally sodomised the girls from the age of 11 onwards, and by the combination of brow-beating and bullying and bribery and shame of the victims that is so common in these cases, his crimes did not come to light until some years later; it was only when one of the girls was medically examined to see why, as a newly-wed, she couldn’t get pregnant that the full horror of H’s assaults became apparent. Some of the assaults happened at H’s place of business, and it was a business frequented by teenagers and kids; there was a factual issue as to the layout of the building at trial which meant getting a statement from a local copper who’d been there as a kid. He’d never suspected anything nasty about H- he was “a nice man”. Enquiries were made as to whether H had attacked any other kids, but nothing came to light, and H had no previous convictions or cautions. He had, however, spent a lot of time out of the country. . .

Now it’s X’s turn. X, like H, had no form. He lived alone, was in his 40s and was repellent in appearance and his personal hygiene was worse than O’s. His house was similarly filthy, and it was clear that X was definitely suffering from some form of mild mental disablement, but not so stupid that he couldn’t operate a video camera. He used the camera to create some home-made porn, if you could call two mentally-subnormal teenage girls performing sex acts on each other “porn”. One of the girls mentioned, somewhat casually, to her mother that she and her mate had been round to X’s house “to make a film”, and you can guess what happened next. . .

Now here comes the point- of those three cases, which are individually appalling but nevertheless run-of-the-mill (in our town we’d prosecute probably fifteen to twenty of these a year and that would represent only a fraction of what was probably going on), which would have been prevented by a CRB check?

Let’s start with O- the ISA would have no jurisdiction; the only bloke here with form that screamed “for God’s sake don’t even let him walk past your house” and they wouldn’t touch him because he wouldn’t feature on their radar. He’s shacked up with the girls' Mam, not taking them to Brownies in his car. The police and social services were all over them like a rash anyway but needless to say nothing happened, mainly because the girls wouldn’t have said anything and the social workers were probably shit-scared of Mrs. N.

Likewise H. He had no form so a CRB check (which he would have to have had given the nature of his business) would have been fruitless. It was always my suspicion that “H” was an alias and that he had committed serious offences abroad that we didn’t know about; but neither would that show up on any checks.

X had no form; I was amazed, because everything about him screamed “pervert” but we didn’t have much in the way of lynch mob justice and maybe he just took forty-odd years to pluck up the nerve. The two girls were extremely vulnerable and again were “known” to social services, but you have to draw the line somewhere, and maybe their parents and carers ahould have taken more care with them. Who knows?

So there you have it- three extremely serious cases of child abuse, not one of which had a hope in hell of being detected or prevented by record checks. Instead, they’re going after Dads who take lads to footy and swimming, and school-run Mums.

Class War

2009-09-13T11:29:00.000-07:00

In a piece entitled "Toff At The Top" that is poor even by his own rather pitiful standards, "Toilets" has a pop at call-me-Dave and Sir George Young for being posh.

The savaging he gets in the comments section makes Toynbee's (I know, I know) detractors at CiF look like a fan club. I love this from "Mrs. Average":

" Give it a rest. You can't keep trying to fight this class war rubbish. You're a young man to listen to you you were a shoeless orphan dragged up in a Victorian Mancunian slum rife with cholera and TB.
Look matey I am the daughter of a miner. The only way out of that for me was the grammar school and guess what? It worked (or me and many others).
Of course the grammar school I went to isn't there any more. Why? Because the thicko Labour people on the council closed them and decided everyone had to go to the same hideous secondary moderns.
Had they followed the recommendations of Beveridge they would have kept the GS, created excellent technical schools (with proper engineers and the like) and I daresay now created superb arts based schools. Instead all Labour likes to do is reduce everything to its lowest denominator whilst making sure the ones at the top are milking it.
Wish I could have gone to Eton and so, I suspect Kevin, do you.
Now just go and write out your resignation and find something useful to do like clearing drains."

Nice one, Mrs. A.

"It's Like Deja Vu All Over Again"

2009-09-13T08:51:00.000-07:00

Say what you like about Toynbee (I know, I know), and I intend to, she doesn't fucking give up- ever.

So here we are again at CiF where the silly old munter is wittering away, banging that same fucking drum over and over and over. Darling has apparently "forced Brown to his senses" (you could have fooled me) and now the hubristic Tories are walking into an "elephant trap".

Again, as usual, the majority of commentators are having nothing of it, and so Toynbee (I know, I know) is getting torn a new one.

I particularly liked:

"As Jeff Randall - a proper journalist - said yesterday, "Labour have spent tomorrow's money yesterday".

Labour is being completely dishonest about the nation's finances at the moment, in order to avoid devastation t the election - out of purely selfish reasons they will have delayed Britain's recovery by a year.

The next government - a blue one, red one, yellow one or a green one, whatever, will have to administer some unpalatable medicine - you carrying on like this makes you an accessory to economic incompetence, if not a crime."

And:

"The gap between spending and taxation, this year alone, will be about £175 billion, or about £11,500 for every family of 4 citizens.

Polly talks of tax rises of £10 + £3 + £3 billion, call it £16 billion.

Now tell us from where you will find the other £154 billion.

If you doubled ALL income taxes, it still would not be enough. It would not raise another £154 billion. Imagine the impact of that on a economy anyway.

So, what's left? Borrow £154 billion, year on year until the place is drowing in debt repayments, or.... heaven forbid... cut spending like those horrible Conservatives will have to do?

You are attempting to deceive the readers of this website, Polly Tonybee.

It is unashamed deception. Not for the first time, either."

And:

"When the budget for the id cards goes away; along with the budget for more than 1 planning officer per council, along with the budget for senseless wars in asia, along with the budget for a senseless drug war at home, along with the budget for Perv-checking every adult in the country, along with the budget for the national DNA database, along with the budget for anyone in a council to earn more than 100K................. and on and on.

Someone has to stop the sillyness and pay the credit card.
But the silly party doesn't see its silly walk; nor what it costs us.

When this foul group of control freakers is turfed out, only then will there be a prayer of recovery. Until then, they use one credit card to pay another. If Rover's saviours are to be banned for fiscal ineptitude, labours ministers must surely come first."

Stirring stuff, that. Toynbee (I know, I know) is fast becoming the best comedy value on the 'net. Thank God for the silly old bat's intransigence, because at least she gives us something to laugh at.

No Means No!

2009-09-13T07:40:00.000-07:00

Via Denverstrope comes this widget courtesy of Ollie Cromwell:

Get Widget

Please help spread the word, and do all you can to encourage the Micks to tell the Eurofascists to "fuck off".

"Standpoint" Is Well Worth A Read

2009-09-11T02:07:00.000-07:00

"Standpoint" is a magazine which is close to my heart, being basically a slightly-more-cerebral-without-being-baffling version of "The Spectator" and which maintains a sound Right-of-centre stance on politics, current affairs and culture. The current issue contains two excellent articles by Clive James and Nick Cohen on the asinine way the Left have allowed their collective self-loathing (thinly disguised as "cultural relativism") to cloud their thinking when it comes to the vile repression and abuse of women in the Islamic world (Cohen, in particular, is becoming a favourite- he might be a Leftie but he's seen through the cant and hypocrisy and he's not afraid to stand his corner, and I particularly enjoyed "What's Left?" even though I didn't agree with his pro-war sentiments).

Elsewhere in the same issue comes this marvellous piece of horse-sense by historian Michael Burleigh, in which he says:

"The Conservatives might ponder something. . . that animates their voters. They know that this country faces a serious Islamist threat, which relies on the ambivalent loyalties of large numbers of Muslims in Britain. They seek to reap the economic rewards of living here, while regarding our civilisation as an unwanted option, an interlude before the onset of sharia and a society resembling a glorified souk. Some of them are allowed to engage not just in subversion but treason. The Conservatives should radically cut levels of immigration to a point compatible with our cultural identity."

I suppose agreeing with every word of that means I am not truly Libertarian; I'd also be extremely surprised if call-me-Dave & co. ever got round to embodying this in policy, and that I find deeply troubling.

"A Weird, Neurotic Leader"

2009-09-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

When the Leftie fuckwit house rag starts to use phraseology like this, you know the end can't be very far away.

This Oik reckons McMental will be gone soon; Mandelscum clearly has no further use for him and once the Irish "yes" vote is in he'll be cut loose. Bliar will be on his way to becoming President of the EU, there will be a November general election and call-me-Dave will be PM but will bottle it when comes to a referendum.

Then I can start slagging off those Old Etonian dickheads. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. . .

When Saving £120,000,000 Amounts To"Gesture Politics"

2009-09-09T02:50:00.000-07:00

What is it with Guardianistas and their collective refusal to get a grip on reality? In recent days we've had Toynbee (I know, I know) and Mrs. Marr and now Jonathan Freedland is doing a bit of cheerleading from the touchline. Just like MAM and Toynbee (I know, I know), he's having his arse handed to him by the vast majority of readers. Examples:

"Hmm... leading by example is exactly that.

Leading.

Compare and contrast with Two Jags telling us to drive less.

Leadership is what this country needs instead of a PM eager to hold forth of reality show nobodies but unwilling to give an opinion on the Scots letting a mass murderer go free.

As for the economics - any fool knows that if you spend years borrowing more than you ear, you'll end up in trouble. Only Labourites seem to think you can borrow indeiinitely to keep the bloated public sector afloat.

And Labour will protect the neediest? Have you forgotten the 10p tax rate cut already? Because I doubt the low paid have.

Labour have, as always, trashed the economy. They have a decade long record of expensive failure.

Our economy groans under the weight of the public sector. Our children get better grades in exams whilst not actually getting brighter. Our freedoms are daily trashed.

The sooner we get rid of this farce and get a government actually prepared to stand for something the better."

And I particularly like this response [from MattMatt at 01.25 on 09/09] to Freedland's mad assertion that ". . .(this is) your basic Keynesianism":

"No, it isn't"

Just look at what Freedland says- does he really believe this delusional crap? He criticises Cameron for being "fundamentally unserious" and indulging in "gesture politics" by proposing to cut £120 million from the Westminster budget; yet spending £10 billion on some sort of half-arsed "job" creation scheme is OK. What the fuck? That's £10 billion of yours and my money- apparently it will ". . .barely make a dent in the deficit". That's right, it won't make a fucking dent in it, it'll increase it, you knobhead.

In the end it all boils down to stereotypical Leftie thinking; "What's more, Darling argued yesterday, the values – the character – of those doing the cutting matters."

Left = good, Right = bad; the Right always have bad intentions, the Left, even though they get it wrong occasionally, fundamentally mean well. Bollocks- that's boo-hiss pantomime politics and all apart from the dumbest Labour tribalists are awake to the fact that we are deep in the shit and getting out isn't going be the work of five minutes. But there's no point trying to tell Toynbee (I know, I know), MAM and the likes of Freedland that, because they've got their hands over their ears, going "La-la-la-la-la- I can't hear you!!"

Fast Times For Boris

2009-09-07T02:59:00.000-07:00

Oh for fuck's sake, not even Boris is immune from PC madness and stupid gesture politics.

I've got an idea. Why not do the conceptual opposite? I know, I know, it won't win you votes, but why kowtow to a nasty, Fascistic, misogynistic would-be theocracy's ideals? Why not espouse the tenets of our secular, largely agnostic, mostly-liberal society as an alternative? You won't? OK, I'll do it for you:

"Zaid. All this stuff about Mohammed; it's just a complicated fairy tale you know. Very little of it really happened, and if there is a God who looks benelovently upon us he's unlikely to be that impressed by your not eating during the day, and more impressed if you try to be nice to people all the time instead (and here's the thing: most of us so-called 'Christians' feel like that, really. Religion really is mostly a load of old bollocks). So why not tell the imam to fuck off, and have a Mars bar or a chip butty?"

And again, if any of my Muslim readers are offended and want to declare a fatwa or behead me or something, I don't care. Fuck off, it's still a free country- just about.

Fake Aid

2009-09-07T02:27:00.000-07:00

Dennis Sewell has written in the Spectator of the overwhelming need for a swift and merciless culling of quangos and the difficulties that Cameron is likely to face should he attempt to do so.

"The public are thoroughly fed up too with the smug, preachy, arrogant and largely unaccountable class who are in day-to-day command of so much of national life" says Sewell, and he's spot on, and nowhere is that preachiness more evident than in the sphere of international aid. If you've half a brain you'll no doubt have come to the conclusion that Geldof, Bono & co. are twats; aid to the Third World goes anywhere other than to the people who most deserve it, and merely serves to foster the corruption which has blighted the post-colonial era.

Now we have Andrea Marchesetti at adamsmith.org to thank for exposing the corruption within the ranks of the quangocrats.

According to Marchesetti:

"The research (from International Policy Network) documents how DfID is channeling millions of public money through a select coterie of NGOs to fund ideological “awareness” and “advocacy” activities, which support DfID's (erroneous) view that state-funded social services are the best way to tackle poverty."

There is a network of fake charities, too; the DfID uses taxpayers' money to fund lobbying groups in order to justify its own existence. We've got a whole army of Righteous here, leeching off the state, spending our money and preaching to us whilst preening and basking in their own virtue (hah!)

In the unlikely event that any of the quangocrats/fake charidee workers are reading my rants, I've got a question for you:

"How can you look at yourself in the mirror and not shudder in disgust, you corrupt bastard?"

Demanding Sainthood

2009-09-04T06:02:00.000-07:00

More control freakery, this time from the General Teaching Council.

If I was a teacher, I don't think I'd get through life without being able to get very, very drunk indeed at the weekend, or maybe indulge in some sort of illicit sexual activity or take lots and lots of recreational drugs, or indeed all of these. The General Teaching Council, probably looking forward to the day when all are surveilled save the proles, doesn't want teachers doing this.

Let's imagine a scenario twenty years hence when the personal has become even more political, along the lines envisaged. Winston Smith, teaching English to feral seventeen year olds, will not be able to look to the proles for salvation, because they will be suing him, probably for "failing" their noxious offspring by dint of his weekend activities: "How can 'e call himself a proper teacher when 'e's ripped to the tits on Ecstasy and getting a handjob off a drunken lass behind a skip in the carpark?"

"Brown The Betrayer"

2009-09-03T03:47:00.000-07:00

Rachel Sylvester thinks that the burgeoning al-Megrahi scandal will kill off the special relationship.

Now I'm not sure whether that's correct, although it will surely harm US/UK diplomatic relations. However, even if the "special relationship" ended, would that be a bad thing? The world has changed since the 1980s, and seeing Blair bending over for Bush was a pretty nauseating sight at the best of times. If anything, Obama strikes me as an even bigger wanker than Dubya and he'll turn out to be a lame duck of a president with his foreign policy as fucked-up as his half-arsed attempts at health care reforms.

The benefit from all of this has been the exposure of Brown's dithering and mendacity; the fact that we have a useless mental snotgobbler at the wheel is there for all the world to see. It can only get worse for McMental as Fox News have accused him of lying, which can only mean that Murdoch is now outside the tent pissing in. Another shit-parcel is being lobbed over the Atlantic in the form of a call for a Senate investigation into the alleged oil deal.

Brown's fucked- utterly fucked.

This Charming Man

2009-08-30T10:19:00.000-07:00

I know I keep blethering on about that fat oaf Prescott, but apart from Blair (severed head on a pikestaff now please) and his one-eyed mentally ill successor, there really isn't another figure in public life who is absolutely, positively guaranteed to get me foaming at the mouth in sheer apoplectic rage as this graceless turd (especially now that the Ginger Minger has disappeared off the radar, hopefully for ever).

Two incidents this last week have really summed up for me just what it is I detest about this truly detestable man.

Firstly, we have a story from the Isle Of Wight, where the Fat Fuckwit has had a pop at local councillors who turned down a planning application to install a wind turbine. Now I'm far from convinced about climate change; I think it's probably a con, a scientific hoax propagated by Harry Hairshirt types who aren't happy unless they're bemoaning the evil carryings-on of mankind, predicting the apocalypse if we don't change those wicked ways of ours and generally being bossy and sanctimonious. But even if I'm wrong and the Greenies have got the science right, does anybody really believe that wind turbines are anything other than a hideously expensive gesture? I mean come on- even the most avid Greenie must secretly admit to himself that a wind turbine is just that- a gesture, because they don't do what they're meant to do, they just serve as a reminder to believers and as a finger-wagging admonition to the apostates. If the IoW councillors have followed national planning guidelines that should be the end of the matter. Not for Prescott though; just look at his attitude; he's on the side of the Righteous and in hiis eyes that gives him carte blanche to be as rude as he likes. When will this blethering, bullying, incompetent dickhead learn some manners and think before he opens his fucking fat festering gob?

Then we had the Facebook stand-off. Only Prescott could boast about a snub like that; fair enough- he might not like Cable, but why boast about it? It's just another example of "John being John", which (at the risk of repeating myself) means acting like a stupid graceless cunt and being proud of it".

Going To The Zoo Tomorrow

2009-08-28T01:40:00.000-07:00

Great post from Leg Iron about the self-righteous fury of the British Humanist Association over the "Creationist" zoo, "Noah's Ark".

Don't you just love the book-burning tendencies of organisations which no doubt believe themselves to be paragons of liberalism? Can't they ever see the irony inherent in their stance?

Anyway, Leg Iron is on particularly good form:

"Humanists are concerned that the zoo in Bristol has signs telling people about creationist ideas. I am not at all concerned about that because few will read the signs. They are there to look at the animals, and that's all. They don't care about philosphical discussion, they just want to see the monkey throw poo at someone.

What concerns me is that twenty percent of the population can't read the signs.

Now that really is something worth worrying about."

As he says: "Threatening public understanding? How can you threaten something that does't exist?"

Genius.

Let Us Now Praise Famous Men

2009-08-28T00:58:00.000-07:00

The Mail has done a splendid hatchet job on the late Teddy Kennedy.

As a rule, I don't speak ill of the dead- but I'll break that rule and say that Kennedy was a vicious, corrupt, drunken bully who pandered to terrorism and (like his egregious gangster father) detested Britain. The BBC have been eulogising him because the Kennedy myth (and it is a myth) represents the apogee of "progressive politics" in America; the reality is, naturally, somewhat different as anyone who's read any modern American political history knows.

Just look at that picture of the fat fucker grandstanding with Gerry Adams. . .

If one good thing came out of 9/11 it's the fact that the Septics finally woke up to what it means to have mass murder in your own back yard, and it put a stop to American plastic paddies and slimy Irish hypocrites giving each other rim jobs in Massachusetts.

Good fucking riddance say I.

All Shall Have Prizes

2009-08-27T13:11:00.000-07:00

Tip of the hat to Denverstrope who posted these- an O-level maths paper c. 1968, and its modern equivalent, GCSE maths. O-level first:

GCSE "Higher Tier" maths:

AND

Now this is absolutely frightening; that's how I remember O-level maths- fiendishly difficult and bloody hard work, and bear in mind that the O-level exam would have been taken without the aid of anything other than a book of log-tables. The kids are apparently allowed to use calulators now; a simple piece of basic geometry that a bright eleven-year-old was capable of in my day is now "higher-tier". Try and ignore the teeth-grindingly awful attempt at "relevance" in the next GCSE question (fo' sho' hip-hop bettah dan dat classical shit- gimme dat iPod, gay glasses bwoy)- just look at the simplicity of it. Doesn't it make you want to go after Balls' balls with red-hot barbed wire?

A lot of my friends and acquaintances' kids have got their results today- mostly bright, middle-class kids who go to good schools.

"Jenny's got 2 A*s, 5As and 3Bs"- this a kid who wants to be "a doctor or a lawyer".

Jenny is probably perfectly capable of getting 10A*s if pushed (which the kids aren't anymore, even the bright ones, because that would show up the thickoes and we can't be having that can we?). The grades she has achieved probably equate to, oh, 6 grade Cs at O-level with a couple of CSE passes. A bright "grammar school potential" kid has been let down, fooled into complacency and thinking that academic work is easy-peasy. The country has been let down, because there are thousands of Jennies out there, all of them bright kids with great futures, wealth creators and mainstays of society if only, if only we could eliminate this disgraceful excuse for an education system and replace it with something that tells Jenny-

"Yes my dear. It's hard work; very hard work, and at some stage you will be disappointed as your efforts go unrewarded. This is what life is like sometimes, but if you really, really try you will eventually discover that in every sphere of human activity, the difficult stuff is worth doing, and worth doing well, and if you strive and ignore the temptations of an easy life you will one day be glad that you did. Because it's worth it."

Because if we don't do that sometime soon an entire generation will have been failed, and we will all be fucked.

British Army 1 - New Labour 0

2009-08-24T09:36:00.000-07:00

Ainsworth 1 [o.g.]

"Dear Muammar"

2009-08-24T04:20:00.000-07:00

So now we know:

August 16th: “Peter is not going to allow what happened last year to put him off Corfu. He is there for a week – but this time without Russians, yachts or George Osborne.” (FT 16/8/2009)

Nothing sinister, then, just Gaddafi's son. That's all right then.

Except this was the second time that Mandelson had met Gaddafi Jr.

When was that first meeting? It certainly looks like like al-Megrahi dropped his appeal between the first meeting and the second meeting which took place in Corfu.

And now it emerges that Brown wrote to Gaddafi six weeks ago suggesting that "that the decision was well enough advanced and Brown well enough briefed to set terms for a homecoming".
This whole wretched business stinks to high heaven and has Mandelson's fingerprints all over it.

Realpolitik? No. Bastards. All of them.

Inglorious Bastard

2009-08-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

The irony of an MP trying to smear a public figure over expenses claims will not be lost on the vast majority of people.

In the meantime, The Red Rag has been indulging in some excellent Wiki-sabotage at the expense of "Kevan"'s boss, Ainscrote:

Why Play The Ball When You Can Always Play The Man?

2009-08-19T06:41:00.000-07:00

"Them stood in their groups. In their purple tracksuits. There are stains on their knees, stains on their arses. Dirty Leeds. Their hair long, their names on their backs-

Bastards. Bastards. Bastards.

Hunter. The Gray brothers. Lorimer. Giles. Bates. Clarke. Bremner. McQueen. Jordan. Reaney. Cooper. Madeley. Cherry. Yorath. Harvey and Stewart-

All his sons, his bastard sons. Their daddy dead, their daddy gone. . ."

From "The Damned Utd" by David Peace.

I blogged earlier today about Labour plans to smear Richard Dannatt.

In the meantime,Alan Sugar has been threatening Quentin Letts, provoking a round-robin response from, amongst others, Fraser Nelson of The Spectator.

Now, according to the Eye (No. 1243, 21/08/09, p. 11), Charles Whelan is going to sue Nelson for causing Whelan "distress and embarrassment" when Nelson accused him of possessing a bullying manner in this Spectator blog post.

So this is how it's going to be; the gloves are coming off, although some might contend that they were never on in the first place with these bastards. We've seen it in the past, of course; David Kelly is probably the most high-profile victim of the Labour spin machine's vicious ad hominem attacks. But this is how it's going to pan out- they're going to resort to the libel lawyers to silence journalistic dissent, whilst using the press to smear the likes of Dannatt.

"Bastards. Bastards. Bastards."

Now The Bastards Have Got Dannatt In The Cross-Hairs

2009-08-19T01:40:00.000-07:00

According to the Mail:

"Labour Ministers have launched a series of Freedom of Information requests against Army boss General Sir Richard Dannatt in an attempt to smear him days before he retires.
The respected general, who last night repeated calls for more help for British troops in Afghanistan, has come under fire from ministers for his outspoken views on the government's under-resourcing of the war effort.
General Dannatt, 58, has 20 days to answer the information requests, which senior MPs hope will expose big entertainment bills at the Army boss's home in Kensington, West London.
The smear campaign is reportedly being lead by a minister who this week called the Chief of the General Staff "a complete bastard" and has repeatedly clashed with the Army boss".

I wonder if the anonymous minister is Ainscrote? The khaki lobby seem to be going out of their way to be nice to him, describing him as "a thoroughly decent man who is miscast as Secretary for Defence, particularly at a time when the nation is involved in war" and "a good-hearted man who is completely out of his depth".

I wouldn't have used that terminology myself; I'd say that Ainscrote is a useless bungling oaf, a chippy Labour apparatchik promoted way beyond whatever competence he is purported to have. Young men are being killed and maimed daily whilst this dickhead burbles on about reducing troop numbers and whilst vital life-saving materiel is denied to front-line soldiers. Dannatt presumably had the temerity to tell Ainscrote to get his fucking finger out and is now going to be on the receiving end of a Labour smear campaign.

I honestly did not think that it would be possible for NuLabour to sink lower in my estimation, but I should know better than that. Just when you think they've really hit the lowest stratum, some of the bastards scrabble and tear at the slimy membrane and they fall through into an even deeper scumpit; they'll be playing like otters in the filthy depths, revelling in their depravity and foulness.

******UPDATE

According to Guido, it's Kevan Jones

Polly And The Tide Of Blue Water

2009-08-18T13:54:00.000-07:00

"At exam results time a tide of blue water divides the parties: between those who think education is about weeding children out, and those attempting to keep as many in for as long as possible".

Really? Does that honestly reflect the difference between Labour and the Tories when it comes to education? Of course it doesn't- and "attempting to keep as many in for as long as possible" sounds more like a criminal justice policy. But, Polly has swallowed the notion that targets, monitoring and teaching-to-the-test have achieved an educational miracle second only to McMental's economic alchemy, so we're not going to shift her on this, even though a sizeable number of those commenting obviously don't share Polly's convictions. (Why Polly is determined to believe this pile of poo is another question entirely. And I reckon that metaphor's useless too- a "tide"? Surely not.).

Anyway, Polly goes on:

"Here is this year's political exam question. Is British education in most trouble because: (a) so many children now get three As at A-level that Oxbridge struggles to select the absolutely tip-top from the very nearly tip-top; or (b) because schools fail nearly one in five children, who leave with no useful qualification, risking unemployability?"

Oh, for fuck's sake; it's both, you silly cow. Those struggles to differentiate educational attainments are because the currency, the A-level, has been fundamentally devalued, not because the students have got better. The knock-on effect of dumbing down means that those at the top have achieved fuck-all in comparison to their forebears; and that same uselessness of the state education system means that those at the bottom learn absolutely fucking zero- they're illiterate, innumerate and fucking useless, fit only for a life of signing-on. And it was Labour who made them. Doesn't that make her want to hang her head in shame and entertain a suspicion, the merest scintilla of doubt, that she might just have got this wrong? Of course not. Not a fucking chance.

Polly's kids benefited in part from a private education, of course. No need to say any more.

Mascara Boy, Thoughtcrime, Student Politics And 30,000 Deaths

2009-08-17T08:04:00.000-07:00

*Tip of the flat hat to Plato for spotting this.

Does anybody with any sense whatosever think this horrible little twat should have been doing his job, part of which involves trying to stem the number of patient deaths from hospital-acquired infections (30,000 and counting in the last five years) rather than getting involved in the kind of gesture politics he ought to have left behind in the student union bar?

If you ever doubted that this slimy homunculus was unfit to hold a ministerial post, then surely those doubts have now been dispelled. I didn't think anyone can top Bluebottle the Boy Foreign Secretary when it came to sheer fucking fatuity but Mascara Boy has surely run him close.

For fuck's sake, just go before you do anymore damage.

Oh, That's All Right Then

2009-08-17T05:25:00.000-07:00

From Atticus:

"Peter Mandelson, who last week successfully completed work experience as prime minister, has heaped praise on a Private Eye column that depicts Gordon Brown as Stalin.

The column, called From the Desk of The Supreme Leader, imagines Gordon as an incompetent dictator. “It’s so funny,” Mandelson told guests at a recent party. “Absolutely hilarious.”

The business secretary claims he had not read the magazine for 20 years before his return to government. “When I got to my new department, the officials put it near the top of my pile of magazines,” he said. “Do they ever do me?” he wondered.

“You’re a kind of Trotsky figure,” said a fellow guest.

“Oh no,” said Lord Mandelson. “I’m far more of a Beria.”

Leon Trotsky was a "terrific (sic) character who combined reactionary passion and vast intelligence with fatal contempt for the masses and murderous tendencies." Yeah, those murderous tendencies. We all have our little foibles and peccadilloes, don't we?.

Whereas:

Lavrenty Beria was "Stalin's depraved and blood-thirsty executioner" and "of all the brutal killers to emerge from the 20th century, Beria, a Georgian like his master, was one of the most malign." Beria ". . .industrialised the gulag system. Human life had no value for him" and he was also ". . . deeply depraved and a notorious sexual predator. At night he would cruise the streets of Moscow seeking out teenage girls. When he saw one who took his fancy he would have his guards deliver her to his house.

Mr Antonov-Ovseyenko said: "Sometimes he would have his henchmen bring five, six or seven girls to him. He would make them strip, except for their shoes, and then force them into a circle on their hands and knees with their heads together.

"He would walk around in his dressing gown inspecting them. Then he would pull one out by her leg and haul her off to rape her. He called it the flower game."

Even fellow senior Communists, many of them mass murderers in their own right, had nothing good to say about Beria. They described him as slippery and obsequious in front of his superiors, brutal and cunning behind their backs."

So there you go- Beria it is, then.

Stop The Pigeon

2009-08-17T01:09:00.000-07:00

Fantastic, gibberingly righteous rant from silly old Leftie Jeremy Seabrook over at "CiF".

Apparently, Hannan's mistimed but nevertheless telling remarks about the weaknesses of the NHS and Alan Duncan's exquisite fuckwittery are somehow linked. No, me neither, so thankfully Seabrook goes on to explain: "These were not really blunders at all. They were – as the dreaded socialist word "rationing" always is in the rhetoric of the right, a defence of inequality, a repudiation of social justice. It is not that they do not believe in rationing. They do. Indeed, they are its most fervent advocates; but the only form of rationing acceptable to them is determined by a capacity to pay."

Still can't see where Duncan's fuck-up fits into this, but he's on a roll so let him carry on. What we have here, according to Seabrook, is a proposal for "Right-wing" rationing, by the ability to pay. This, in turn, clearly distinguishes the Right from the Left in the "spongy centre-ground". State-shrinkers in Britain thus appeal to desperate Republicans in the US in this "crusade against fairness".

Eh? How the fuck did we get from one TV interview about the NHS and one covertly-recorded gaffe (which had fuck-all to do with the Health Service anyway) to a Transatlantic "crusade against fairness"?

On and on it goes; spiralling onwards and upwards into the stratospheric realms of globalisation and the bellicose nature of America. The sheer strain put upon logic and the rickety construction of the argument in an attempt to gain altitude from which to "tut-tut" reminds me of the fantastic creations of "Klunk" of Dick Dastardly's Vulture Squadron- and they didn't bear close examination either, and neither would they sustain flight.

Segregated Swimming

2009-08-16T05:25:00.000-07:00

I really can't make my mind up about which is the most irritating aspect of this story.

Is it the fatuous stance of some of the local authorities, whereby they believe that by emphasising the huge cultural differences between Muslim and non-Muslim they will somehow, in some bizarrely contradictory fashion, promote mutual understanding and tolerance?

Is it the attitude of the little gauleiter in Hackney who refused entry to the pool to David and Harry Toube because they weren't Muslim?

Is it the craven and devious behaviour of Croydon council who lied about the existence of a "dress code?

Or is it the final paragraph, where the old excuse about "requests from the community" are trotted out to explain away this divisive, discriminatory and intolerant policy? These aren't "requests from the community", you dickheads, they're requests from a small minority of your residents who happen to be bigoted misogynistic arseholes who have brainwashed their women to the extent that they're prepared to put up with this shit.

Here's an alternative suggestion to "the community"- raise some money, build your own pool and you can divide and segregate yourselves as much as you fucking like. Or, fuck off somewhere else where this kind of Fascist shite is acceptable- Saudi Arabia, or the Yemen or some fucking hellhole like that.

Ask A Silly Question

2009-08-15T09:26:00.000-07:00

You would have known it was silly season just by the line-up of the panel of yesterday's "Any Questions?"

Sarah Churchwell (who is apparently some sort of literary academic- I'd never heard of her) and farmer and columnist Oliver Walston were joined by that smug, obnoxious, bumptious urban tosspot Toby Young and the fucking horrible bastard that is RMT leader Bob Crow.

Churchwell rambled and burbled on and on ("I bet her lectures aren't the most riveting thing you've ever heard" remarked Mrs. Oik), Walston did a sort of genial silly old buffer act and most of his quips and jokes fell flat. Young did his usual trick of managing to say nothing of any worth whilst being utterly self-obsessed. Only last week, in the "Speccie" he was blethering on about not being asked to appear on "Desert Island Discs". How this charmless little twat ever manages to appear either in print or in person anywhere is a complete fucking mystery to me.

Crow, naturally, was the worst by miles. He'd obviously been primed by the ZaNu spin machine to focus on the storm in a teacup that was engendered by Dan Hannan's US TV appearance. So Crow fixed upon this, and when fed an innocuous question on the NHS, burbled on in the way of all the Righteous where it is a given, an immutable fact, that the very existence of the Health Service would be threatened by the election of a Tory government.

"'E wants to privatise the 'Elf Service", sneered Crow of Cameron, and how the Righteous element in the audience rooted for Bob, conveniently forgetting that huge chunks of the NHS have already been de facto privatised since 1997 with billions squandered on the useless IT fiasco and billions more off balance sheet in the form of PPS con-jobs.

Get ready for more of this in the run-up to the election because ZaNu are to going to milk this for all it's worth, as it really is all they've got left to fight with.

Moral Lunacy

2009-08-12T02:49:00.000-07:00

"Jo the crossing-sweeper" by Mervyn Peake

What have we learned about ourselves following the awful sustained torture and death of Peter Connolly?

It was already apparent that we have fostered a feral, amoral underclass via welfarism and a total abdication of responsibilities, duties and a basic collective morality. Our towns and cities and villages have been blighted by this- this slow death of the civil society with its concomitant civic pride. No-one is prepared to stand up to the likes of Tracy Connolly and Steven Barker. Our institutions are terrified; they are paralysed at the prospect of judicial review, of internal disciplinary tribunals, of finger-wagging single-interest pressure groups and fake charities, and most of all they are terrified of the very people whose best interests they are supposed to protect. This is because too much power has been accrued by violent, cunning chavs who know exactly which "complaint" button to press, and they know that in the topsy-tuvy world of the NHS, education, social work and policing the combination of nit-picking bureaucracy, exaggerated notions of "natural justice" and insane post-modern reasoning (which stands common sense on its ear) will mean that the vile and squalid and deeply damaging status quo will prevail.

How many times have we had to suffer these scenarios? Victoria Climbie, Khyra Ishaq, Peter Connolly and more in recent times, but you can recall and recount similar cases over the last thirty years; thirty years where we've seen the good intentions of Beveridge become distorted and subverted to the extent that amoral stupidity, ingrained fecklessness and casual violence are a way of life, with little chance of escape, for millions. Is that a coincidence? I don't think so.

But one of the worst aspects of the case of Peter Connolly is the way those who, nominally at least, were responsible for his care have acted in the wake of the full horror of Peter's short existence becoming public knowledge. The collective failure of anyone to make a sensible, informed decision upon overwhelming evidence was bad enough; even worse, when these failures became apparent following the convictions of Connolly and Barker, no resignations followed.

And now Sharon Shoesmith is bringing four- yes, four- claims because of her sacking. Yep, you guessed it; judicial review, breach of contract and, naturally, unfair dismissal and sex discrimination as well. I wonder if she's busy researching her family tree to see if she's got any Mary Seacole connections? Maybe that way she could claim racial discrimination as well and we'd have a full house of early-21st century legalistic stupidity to marvel at.

One day, someone will write a great, sprawling novel with a huge cast and future generations will marvel at the grotesque failure and hypocrisy of our social institutions- a "Bleak House" with broken backs and form-filling policemen and toddlers with torn ears and doctors who ignore the evidence of their own eyes- instead of a stolen inheritance.

We will know when our society has recovered from the amoral, welfarist, Gramsci-ist, Frankfurt-School-inspired social and cultural Marxism which has poisoned it when people like Sharon Shoesmith take responsibility for their negligence and resign without demur. If that doesn't start happening soon, on a wide scale, we're doomed.

There. And I didn't swear once.

"We'd Like To Know A Little Bit About You For Our Files. . ."

2009-08-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

Yeah, right.

According to KPMG, the number of victims of data loss is set to double in 2009, from 92 million data breaches in 2008 to over 190 million.

Christ- that's frightening.

This is why I now refuse to co-operate with the kind of nosy twattishness that seems to be the norm these days- you know, when you buy a new set of headphones from Dixons or somewhere like that they want to know your email address and telephone number. I refuse to co-operate, and the conversation goes something like this:

Spotty twat- "Can I have your email address, please?"

Me- "Why?"

ST- "Why what?"

Me- "Why do you want to know my email address? I don't want to get any emails from you."

ST- "We have to ask. It's for our records."

Me- "You don't have to ask. You're told to ask. Anyway, I don't want to become part of your records. I want to buy this iPod/set of headphones/whatever but you're not having my email address."

ST- (Looking perplexed) "I'm sorry, I'll have to go and ask the manager."

Me- "I'm not prepared to wait whilst you go and ask the manager. Do you want to sell me the iPod/set of headphones/whatever or do I go somewhere else?"

ST- "I have to speak to the manager"

Me- "Goodbye"

I bet they fucking hate awkward bastards like me, but I refuse to play their game.

The Heir To Roderick Spode

2009-08-10T02:31:00.000-07:00

Sod the number plate, it's the black shorts that give the game away where this Fascist numpty is concerned:

P.G Wodehouse's Roderick Spode is a would-be leader of British fascists, modelled upon Oswald Mosley and whose followers wear black shorts. He is described by Wodehouse as a large and intimidating figure, "as though Nature had intended to make a gorilla and had changed its mind at the last moment". In "The Code Of The Woosters", Bertie addresses Spode:

'The trouble with you, Spode, is that just because you have succeeded in inducing a handful of half-wits to disfigure the London scene by going about in black shorts, you think you're someone. You hear them shouting "Heil, Spode!" and you imagine it is the Voice of the People. That is where you make your bloomer. What the Voice of the People is saying is: "Look at that frightful ass Spode swanking about in footer bags! Did you ever in your puff see such a perfect perisher?" '

Indeed.

Suicide Bomber Video Outtakes

2009-08-09T01:28:00.000-07:00

I laughed so hard I did a little wee when I first saw this. It should be compulsory viewing in every madrassah.

"Top Gear" v. Guardianistas

2009-08-07T00:39:00.000-07:00

Jodie Matthews has got herself all upset over comments made by Hammond and Clarkson during last Sunday's "Top Gear". They used the term "pikey" and as far as Jodie & co. over at PC central are concerned, this is an absolute no-no. Verboten.

"The key to this type of "humour" is that it is an in-joke. The audience is supposed to know what Hammond and Clarkson mean by the term, though the implications are vague. There is a subtextual wink, a "we'll get the better of these censorious so-called liberals", nudge-nudge".

Not really, Jodie, or not in the way you mean (more of that later). In fact, the opposite- about as subtle as a Clarkson metaphor (see what I did there?), and clearly designed with no other purpose than to smoke out humourless PC twats like you. Guess what? Straight off the production line and it ran like a dream. Nowt subtextual about it at all, more like a great big billboard signwritten in luminous green right next to the second-to-last corner where the Stig always chucks it sideways.

I like Top Gear. I'm an unreformed, unapologetic petrolhead (ah, readers if only you knew) and have been since I became sentient because I really can't remember any stage of my life when I didn't want to see just how fast I could make any wheeled vehicle go and still be alive afterwards to report on the experience. Having said that, TG isn't really about cars and car culture anymore, and hasn't been for a few series now, and furthermore is becoming a parody of itself, a Jackass on wheels for middle-aged blokes and the early teens. However, the show is important because it is in more-or-less direct conflict with the Beeb's otherwise slavish adherence to PC culture and guaranteed to get right up the noses of the Guardianistas.

"Pikey" is a derogatory term, but not in the way that Jodie sees it; it's not used all that much here up North but my Southern friends and relations use it a lot, and it seems to have become virtually synonymous with "chav". A "pikey" is a boorish, slovenly and probably dishonest person, given to cheap bling, a nasty taste in clothes and repellent in voice and attitude. When pikeys have money, their taste is execrable; Ian Dury called them "blockheads":

"Bigger brained Blockheads often acquire
Black and orange cars
Premature ejaculation drivers
Their soft-top's got roll-bars

'Fill her up,' they say the Blockheads
'Go on, stick it where it hurts'
Their shapeless haircuts don't enhance
Their ghastly patterned shirts"

The audience gets it, but Jodie and co. don't; there is therefore a nuance to the term "pikey" that Jodie has missed and all she can perceive is a racial epithet. Now the PC brigade have to police us when it comes to racism, because only they know what it is to be racist. Policing the language will help to keep the lid on, because they believe that of they don't, Kristallnacht Part II will be just around the corner. They hate us and distrust us, we who are not part of the intellectual wing of the Righteous.

"Comment is free"? Doesn't Jodie see the irony in this?

Airports Are Strange, Exotic Places, Or : "Because Of The Unique Way It's Funded. . ."

2009-08-07T00:23:00.000-07:00

. . . the Beeb can spend your money like a drunken fucking sailor.

Drug-trafficker Samantha Orobator arrives back in Britain from Laos today. Newsworthy, perhaps, especially given that we're smack (oops, sorry- no pun intended) in the middle of the silly season. But was it really necessary for BBC news to send a reporter and crew to the perimeter road at Heathrow so that we could be told that, yes, this was an airport and this is where Ms. Orobator would be arriving? I mean come on- how fucking much did that cost? What did this stupendously condescending and wasteful exercise achieve?

For fuck's sake.

Mr. "Justice" Eady

2009-08-05T08:04:00.000-07:00

Has Eady shot his bolt at last?

If he has, it will be a victory for free speech and fair comment, because Eady had become notorious for his hard-line approach to the most pitiful and pettifogging instances of so-called "defamation", and had turned Court 13 into a one-stop-shop where, if you were wealthy enough and could come up with some sort of half-arsed complaint of libel, the boys and girls of the libel Bar and Eady would get you a few thousand in damages. Libel tourists? This way, please, and don't kill each other in the rush. You don't believe me? Check out the case of poor Simon Singh.

However, in the recent case of Desmond v. Bower it looks like Eady might have gone too far. His draconian decisions to exclude evidence which might have embarrassed Desmond were the subject of interlocutory appeals by Tom Bower's defence team, and Eady was torn a new arsehole by the Court of Appeal for excluding vital and relevant evidence and subsequently failing to heed the Court's obvious hints that he should overrule himself and let the evidence in.

Eady's summing up was also littered with errors, and at one point he even referred the jury to a witness statement which he had previously ruled inadmissible.

Looks to me like it might be the end for Eady, which will be no bad thing.

(You can read more about this in the Eye but as the bastards won't put anything online until it's gone stale, I'm buggered if if giving them a hat-tip).

Just In Case You Were Wondering, It Really Is OK To Eat Mermaids

2009-08-03T05:31:00.000-07:00

I nearly fell off my chair when I read this:

Islamic scholars say it is acceptable to eat mermaids

Fuck me, and I though some Roman Catholic doctrine was a bit loony.

(Hat tip to Anti-Citizen One)

Oh For Fuck's Sake- A Copper Swore. So Fucking What?

2009-07-27T05:55:00.000-07:00

A policeman will have to undergo further training after swearing at a violent offender

So, let's get this straight. An obnoxious, stupid, violent cunt called Glen Francis has complained because a copper who'd arrested him rightfully called him a cunt.

That Francis is indeed a cunt is clear to the entire world save for a few monumental dickheads in the Professional Standards Department of Northumbria Police. It is equally clear that it is entirely understandable and perfectly justifiable in such circumstances to describe Francis as such. The copper understands this; you understand this; I understand this. Everybody understands this, apart from Northumbria Constabulary PSD who could have saved the public purse a substantial sum of money and the copper a wasted afternoon being condescended to by some numpty of a "trainer" by possessing sufficient moral courage to tell Francis and his ambulance chasing mouthpiece to FUCK OFF.

In the unlikely event that Francis reads this:

"Glen Francis, I think you're a cunt".

If you don't like that, then fucking sue me.

Normal Service Will Be Resumed Shortly

2009-07-27T05:51:00.000-07:00

My apologies- I've recently suffered a bereavement and have neither time nor inclination to comment on public life and affairs.

I'll be away for a few days from tomorrow but will return as full of hideous bile and sheer spite as ever.

Beatrix Gets Torn A New One.

2009-07-17T05:50:00.000-07:00

Beatrix Campbell has had a pop at Philip Pullman, Michael Morpurgo and co. who have, quite reasonably, pointed out that the proposed vetting of children's authors is an invasive, illiberal, and presumptive bureaucratic exercise which will take us another step closer to a police state yet will achieve precisely fuck all otherwise.

Beatrix has got her knickers in a bit of a twist over this, and consequently is getting her arse handed to her by the vast majority over at Pravda.

I particularly like the response from "Bored In Brizzle" at 7.46pm, 16/7:

"Beatrix,

Let's explain it then.

People allow themselves to be searched at the airport because we also know that without these security checks inevitably some nutter or other would take a weapon on board and carry out an attack. As you can't necessarily tell a nutter by just looking, we accept that we will be searched.

In a school, teachers work on a personal basis with children and there are opportunities (less so nowadays) to be alone with a child and therefore potentially to abuse that child in some way - particularly with younger children. In the past a few child abusers have deliberately placed themselves in positions where they have that access to children without employers realising. That is why teachers and child carers accept that they are subject to police check.

When authors go into a school they are there for a few hours. They spend time with a class or whole school. They are never alone with a child. The risk they pose to a child is no greater than the risk to a child walking along the street with their parent or a teacher. That is why the legislation is ridiculous and Pullman etc is making this stand.

God and you're supposed to be an intelligent woman."

Splendid stuff.

Pagan Plod

2009-07-16T14:31:00.000-07:00

It's really great to know that, at long last, Hertfordshire Police have woken up to the fact that, yes, pagan police officers have their own special requirements and so they've appointed two pagan chaplains. Yes, you read that right- TWO PAGAN CHAPLAINS

After all, there must be hundreds of the fuckers in the Hertfordshire plod alone. You won't get by with, say, just one black mass a fortnight, some occasional alfresco shagging whilst being flogged with birch twigs to celebrate the Earth spirit and the odd gathering to mark the solstice. No, that kind of discrimination maybe was acceptable in the bad old days, but this isn't "Life On Mars" you know- this is modern, 21st century Herts. coppering, and two pagan chaplains are absolutely needed.

Good to see these fucktards aren't wasting taxpayers' money, then. Twats.

Private Prosecution Of Jacqui Smith

2009-07-15T02:17:00.000-07:00

Good lad Galley.

Keep an eye on this

The Pure Undistilled Genius That Goes By The Name Of "Leg Iron"

2009-07-14T15:29:00.000-07:00

Required reading for all. Read this and marvel, and then ask yourself how we've managed to collectively fuck things up quite so badly.

More Lunacy From Local Government Nazis. . .

2009-07-11T23:31:00.000-07:00

. . . and the plod who arrested this poor bloke for having a kickabout with some kids in the park.

So he hadn't complied with the ridiculous red tape required by the council- so fucking what? Was it really necessary to hold him in a cell for FIVE FUCKING HOURS?

Fascistic, cretinous, humourless fucktards the lot of them.

Fraser Nelson Shows How And Why Brown Has Failed

2009-07-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

Brown's legacy of inequality, poverty and joblessness

Now what is stopping any of the opposition parties from pointing this out? Not difficult to understand, is it?

Showbiz Kid

2009-07-08T01:44:00.000-07:00

I didn't watch the Jackson memorial service/concert/whatever. I caught snippets of it via Sky and BBC2 and it looked ghastly- an unholy hybrid of the "Oscars" ceremony, "Children In Need" and a failed version of "This Is Your Life" with the star himself lifeless on that bathetic golden catafalque. It was uniquely horrible, clearly a taste-free zone where genuine good manners and respect for the dead had been forgotten and where showbiz fakery reigned. I managed to stand about two minutes of it, but when Stevie Wonder came on I had to switch off- it's a long way from "Talking Book" to that kind of schmaltz. I'd like to be able to listen to "Superstition" again sometime with maybe only an involuntary yelp of embarrassment as opposed to the kind of full-blown hot flush where you want to wrap the sofa cushions around your head and jump up and down screaming "No! No! No!".

I suppose Jackson's death has affected me, because I want to write about it; but I do so as an observer, and not as a participant in this Disneyfied "mourning", because whilst his death is worth examining as a curious social phenomenon I'm not at all moved in the way I was when, for example, George V. Higgins, Spike Milligan, Ayrton Senna or Albert King died.

That's probably because Jackson's music didn't engage me; I don't have any of his records in my collection and I'm a music junkie, believe me.* I never liked disco or the places and spaces where it was played, so whilst I could admire the technique and craftmanship of "Off The Wall" and contemporaneous work with the Jacksons, it was the kind of admiration you'd have for a steamroller or even something as exotic as a Lamborghini Countach- wonderful creations, engineering miracles really, but no way would I want to own one. What would I do with it?

A couple of years later, when it was obvious that Jackson really was a nutjob I began to actively dislike his music, and it took me a while to work out why that was- why, when the whole student party world seemed to have gone mad for "Thriller", why was I standing on the sidelines grumbling that I didn't think that much of it before stumbling off into the kitchen in search of more beer?

I think the answer lay in Jackson's obvious otherness: he clearly wasn't inhabiting the same emotional realm as most of the rest of humanity. Probably as a result of a showbiz childhood, he became, like most kid stars, a pretty fucked-up adult and this showed. There was a falseness that meant that you didn't really believe him when he sang about love. "Thriller" (the song) was just silly high camp, and "Wanna Be Startin' Something" a hackneyed showbiz complaint which probably was sincere- but so what?

It got worse with "Bad" (Yeah, right, but as it later transpired not in the way he meant it) and "Smooth Criminal" (ditto). Funny with hindsight, but even at the time just more non-threatening song-and-dance. Then we got "Black Or White" (Really? It doesn't matter? Why all the . . .never mind) and the nadir of "Earth Song" which was like being preached to by a manipulative A.I.

I might get some flak for this, but I regard Michael Jackson as "soul" music for people who don't really like soul music, just as Queen became a camp theatrical facsimile of a rock band who appealed to people who didn't like rock very much. Beautifully executed and technically flawless but somehow hollow.

And so if the artist/writer/musician/sportsman doesn't engage with you, then he or she is likely just another statistic- a cause for mild regret at best, perhaps. Somebody I don't know has died and I'm not going to mourn him. Does that make me a psychopath? I don't think so.

*Actually, I've just remembered that I've got the Jackson 5's "I Want You Back" as a picture-sleeve 45 somewhere in the Vinyl Vault. So what? Sue me.

"Big Brother"- Does Anybody Give A Shit? Really?

2009-07-08T01:03:00.000-07:00

"Charlie, Dogface, Kris, Halfwit and Marcus face the chop. Call meh meh meh meh meh to nominate Charlie. . ."

Why isn't there an option where you can vote to call in an airstrike to wipe the BB house and its crew of airheaded solipsistic fame-junky fuckwits off the face of the fucking earth?

Balls . . .

2009-07-02T01:59:00.000-07:00

. . . is a swivel-eyed, obnoxious, lying little fuckstick.

There. I feel better for saying that.

0% Increase In Spending

2009-07-01T08:42:00.000-07:00

It's not often the Oik pisses himself laughing whilst sitting in a traffic jam, but he did today during PMQs.

Brown sounds more deluded by the hour- at one point he apparently just sat down, then went on to make the "0%" gaff and couldn't seem to grasp that what he'd said was utterly ludicrous because he repeated it a couple of minutes later.

It'd be pitiful if it weren't so funny.

Immigration- Scary Statistics

2009-06-29T06:42:00.000-07:00

Tips of the hat to Obnoxio and Plato.

Both pieces are by Fraser Nelson, and the implications are frightening. It's now clear that mass immigration has seen jobs going to foreign workers, whilst the number of private sector posts held by British-born workers has declined since 1997.

All the major parties are paralysed- they're so much in thrall to the fake charities and pressure groups they daren't lift a finger when it comes to tackling immigration, welfarism and gross public sector waste when it's perfectly clear that this is what the majority would like to see. We know that the current regime are politically and morally bankrupt, the country is in dire financial straits and we've just seen Fascist arseholes elected to the European Parliament.

When are any of these spineless dickheads (outside of the No. 10 bunker that is) going to wake up?

As Ever, They Haven't Thought This One Through- Or Have They?

2009-06-29T00:48:00.000-07:00

Back in the 1980s, when the Oik were nobbut a lad (young, for those unfamiliar with the Lancashire dialect), he read law at Leeds University, and on Wednesday mornings he would attend lectures on constitutional law. Geoff Hoon (yup, it was him- in the SDP back then) would wander around the podium with his trenchcoat over his shoulders (once a Hoon, always a Hoon) and for two hours would expound upon the weird quiltwork of precedent, custom and statute that makes up our constitution. Actually, although Hoon came across as a bit of a twat, he really was quite good at explaining this stuff to hungover undergraduates. I just wish he'd fucking stuck to it.

Anyway, back then I used to marvel at how intricate the whole thing was; like some sort of mad, organic carriage clock it had just grown.

There are loads and loads of examples of Labour fuckwittedness when it comes to messing about with this marvellous thing of ours, with the half-arsed attempt to abolish the post of Lord Chancellor being the most egregious. Is this just another legislative version of a Mexican fire-drill, or is something else going on?

Far more worrying than the screw-ups has been Labour's strategy of simply bypassing Parliament altogether whenever possible, having realised that the constitution requires you to play by the rules voluntarily; if you choose not too, there really is fuck-all anybody can do about it in most cases, no matter how flagrant the breach.

But now we have a greater danger- read about it here.

When devious corrupt bastards like these plan to amend a system that is essentially straight, but dependent upon individual and collective honour for their own ends then we really are in trouble. The dangers of curtailing Parliamentary privilege and having a Supreme Court (unelected, note) being able to do whatever the fuck it likes are immeasurable.

I don't trust these fuckers. I think they're using the expenses scandal as a smokescreen for something far more sinister, and they've stitched up Dave & Co. big time- being seen to be agin this scheme might make them unpalatable, so they'll have to go along with it.

Bastards. Bastards. Bastards.

Bercow- Oh, For Christ's Sake

2009-06-23T05:23:00.000-07:00

Sweet baby Jesus on a little fucking pink tricycle.

They've only gone and elected somebody who's worse than the Gorbals Gobshite. Bercow is a disastrous choice as Speaker- he's an unprincipled, treacherous shortarse. The lurch from being a Rightist bigot who should have found his natural home in the BNP to sanctimonious Lefty and troughing it on expenses by "flipping" proves to my mind at least that you can't trust the little bastard.

Dog-like devotion

2009-06-22T03:33:00.000-07:00

From the Guardian:

"Gordon Brown meets me in the garden of No 10, and looks like a man without a care in the world. His skin is peachy and fresh. His 58-year-old face is surprisingly unlined, despite the sometimes windswept little pouch under his chin that makes him look so haggard in photographs. His stripy, liquorice allsort hair is shiny."

A "man"? That makes him sound more like an elderly labrador, in which case he should still be capable of licking his own arse.

Enough. Time To March.

2009-06-19T14:41:00.000-07:00

We need a "million man/woman" march.

Parliament. Midnight.

Flaming torches, pitchforks, nooses, tar & feathers.

We need to stop this- not just the troughing fuckers who condescend to us in the name of government, but to quangos, consultants, stealth taxes, PC fuckwits in local authorities, ID cards, databases, GATSOs, CCTV, politically-motivated social workers masquerading as senior police officers, arsehole MOD acquisition officials who condemn our young soldiers to death through their inertia and incompetence, fucking stupid employment tribunals who function as cash cows for the awkward squad , callous NHS shitheads who allow our elderly people to lie in squalor and pain, stupid Lefty ninny veggies who can't get ten year-olds to read and write properly, dickheaded judges and magistrates who let hardened fucking chav criminals get away with fucking murder. . .

Enough.

Time to march.

No BNP/Fascist bullshit- just ordinary people who care about our once-wonderful nation of tolerance, decency and common sense (I know, I know: please accept that the pitchforks and other accessories are metaphorical, yeah?).

Time to march- if the Countryside Alliance could do it, so can we.

Time to let these ignorant condescending metropolitan twats know that we won't take any more.

Time to march. Conventional politics have failed us, and a re-boot is necessary.

"Public Interest"? Really?

2009-06-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

Plato, Old Holborn, Behind Blue Eyes and many many others are properly angry at Mr. "Justice" Eady's decision to allow The Times to "out" the excellent CID blogger (and Orwell Prize winner), "Night Jack".

Eady is a pontificating knobhead, and wouldn't recognise "the public interest" if it it bit him on his big fat arse.

We're already a laughing-stock because of his efforts to promote "libel tourism" (i.e. jobs for the likes of Carter-Fuck and the chaps at the libel bar in Court No. 13) and now this.

Likewise the journos; it'll be every one of your sources next, so thanks for shafting every bugger prepared to speak out against whatever idiocies Big Government wants to foist upon us. I will never, ever buy that fucking rag again as long as I fucking live, so help me God.

Fuck off, Eady, you're a fucking idiot. And if you don't like that, fucking sue me. The Times might as well join me in the action too. Arseholes.

Roadkill

2009-06-13T03:18:00.000-07:00

What is going on in Nutkin's tiny little head? Does she really expect us to swallow those lame excuses?

You're never going to convince me that the mocking newspaper article, eve-of-election resignation and that really funny badge weren't thought out in advance. She may be an obnoxious short-arse with the usual little ginger minger's titanic ego but she's a politician, and they're all devious bastards to whom scheming and back-stabbing are second nature. The tearful reflections just don't convince me at all. There was something else going on of which she was just a part, and which probably involved Purnell too- only they jumped too soon. Purnell might get away with it, but Nutkin won't.

She bet the farm, and lost.

"Cash? That'll Do Nicely, Thanks".

2009-06-11T06:05:00.000-07:00

"Sir Gus told the Prime Minister that it was serious enough to ask Sir Philip Mawer, the independent adviser on the ministerial code, to rule on a possible breach.

Mr Malik was told that he would have to stand down until the inquiry reached its conclusions. Last night no one in Number 10 expected him to return as a Justice Minister."

Fucking spot bollock on- he didn't return as a Justice Minister, he came back as "Communities Minister" (one day soon, some clever bugger will have to explain to me exactly what it is a "communities minister" actually does).

Because the obnoxious Malik was soon cleared by Sir Philip Mawer (see, they can move fucking quickly when they're desperate) and returned to Government, but the latest allegations in today's Telegraph raise even more awkward questions for this conniving little fucker, who, as Wrinkled Weasel has pointed out, has resorted to that fucking pathetic refuge of Leftie fuckwits the world over and played the race card.

When are we going to be rid of these fucking hypocritical, morally-deficient troughing arseholes?

Smeargate Resurrected Or: Dolly Draper, The Gift That keeps On Giving

2009-06-08T05:50:00.000-07:00

Guido reports that it was Smeargate which led to Jane Kennedy's resignation- and by doing so she unequivocally lays the blame for that whole disgusting episode fairly and squarely upon Brown. I can't wait to hear McMental try and spin his way out of that. The fatal blow might just have been struck, right here & now-

"I can’t distinguish between those around Gordon Brown smearing and Gordon Brown himself. It’s how politics is driven forward by Gordon and the people around him."

And as for Draper- fuck me, it just gets better and better where this odious little shit is concerned.

From "I'm rich and a bit of a wanker; who cares; you can still be that and be Labour" to "I'm skint, fucking terminally disgraced, reduced to living off t'missus and still a bit of a wanker" can't be far off.

Another Reason To Despise Peter Hain (With Added Alliteration)

2009-06-08T05:16:00.001-07:00

The orange-hued hoodwinking hoon was blethering away on the Jeremy Vine show just now about Labour's catastrophic showing in Wales, and how Wales would be subjected to swingeing spending cuts should the Tories (Heaven forfend) ever regain power.

Naturally, the crafty, copper-complexioned cunt wasn't taken to task by the oleaginous Vine about Labour's own tax cuts hidden carefully away in Badger's last Budget and only later revealed by Fraser Nelson.

What an arsehole. It just shows the extent of barrel-scraping that McMental's had to do to resurrect this dun-coloured dissembling dickhead.

You never know- it might happen again, someday, maybe

How To Disappear Completely

2009-06-08T02:19:00.000-07:00

1. It helps- a lot, as it happens- if you're very, very short and ginger and possessed of the irritatingly chippy, bumptious personality which often accompanies that phenotype.

2. Adopt a gratingly insincere cheeriness and chirpiness which would shame Pollyanna.

3. Keep on reminding people that you are the first person from your "famileh" to go to "universiteh" in that smug way of yours; furthermore, you'll need to stress the fact that your brother failed to pass his 11-plus and as a consequence is still a bus driver, whilst you are an MP. This will have multiple effects:

(a) It will serve as a reminder to anyone in their forties that a university education used to mean something, and that you came out of it more-or-less skint but not £'000s in debt unless you developed a bad drug habit or were spectacularly useless at cards. They will compare and contrast that set of circumstances with the current unholy mess.

(b) This will continue to piss your brother off no end, as I bet he's sick to the back teeth of your continually reminding him how much better you were at school.

(c) This will also serve to get right up the nose of any other people whose lot in life it is to do essential but unsung and poorly-rewarded jobs such as driving a bus, delivering the post or keeping the streets clean.

4. Become embroiled in the most notorious political scandal of the decade and, when caught out, blithely wave a cheque around by way of seeking absolution. The cheque will need to be for a few thousands pounds and more than many of your unemployed constituents receive in income in any given year, which will serve to royally piss off anybody who's not a bus driver/postman/binman etc.

Get it right, and they'll be making jokes about you:

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Hazel."

"Hazel who?"

"Ah well, that's politics for you."

"Old Yellowstain"

2009-06-07T23:42:00.000-07:00

***Whooooooh***

This is spooky.

The Caine Mutiny is a novel written in 1951 by Herman Wouk, and is based on the author's experiences aboard a run-down rustbucket of a minesweeper during WWII. It was filmed in 1954 with Edward Dmytryk directing and Humphrey Bogart turning in a scenery-chewing performance as the obnoxious Captain Queeg.

According to Wikipedia:

"(Narrator, Willie Keith) reports aboard the Caine. He immediately disapproves of its decaying condition and slovenly crew, which he attributes to a slackness of discipline by the ship's longtime captain, Lieutenant Commander William De Vriess.

Willie's lackadaisical attitude toward what he considers menial and repetitive duties brings about a humiliating clash with De Vriess when Willie neglects a communications message. While Willie is still pouting over his punishment, De Vriess is relieved by Lieutenant Commander Philip Francis Queeg, a strong, by-the-book figure whom Willie at first believes to be just what the rusty Caine and its rough-necked crew needs. However, the Caine is sent to San Francisco for an overhaul, and Queeg browbeats his officers into selling their liquor rations to him. In a breach of regulations, Queeg smuggles the liquor off the ship and when it is lost by a series of careless mistakes, blackmails Willie into paying for it by threatening to withhold his shore leave."

Still with me? Notice any parallels? Let's read on:

"As the Caine begins its missions under his command, Queeg loses the respect of his crew through a series of incidents:

-he grounds the ship on his first sailing, then attempts to cover it up while blaming his helmsman, Stillwell;
-causes the loss of a gunnery target sled by steaming over the target's towline -while distracted by a petty disciplinary action (and again blames Stillwell);
-hounds and court-martials Stillwell for being absent without leave;
-twice under fire leaves a battle area, once abandoning troops under his protection to fend for themselves;
-suffers severe migraine headaches and rarely leaves his cabin;
and becomes obsessed over the theft of a quart of strawberries, reliving an episode from early in his career in which he solved a shipboard theft and received a commendation."

And so-

"(Queeg) is regarded as tyrannical, cowardly, and incompetent. Tensions aboard the ship lead Queeg to ask his officers for support, but they snub him as unworthy, believing him an oppressive coward.

The crew refers to Queeg as "Old Yellowstain" following the invasion of Kwajalein. The Caine, ordered to escort low-lying Marine landing craft to their line of departure, instead drops a yellow dye marker to mark the spot when Queeg fears the ship has come too close to shore under fire, then leaves the area. The sobriquet, a double entendre, refers to both the dye marker and his apparent cowardice.

Communications officer Lieutenant Tom Keefer . . . plants the suggestion that Queeg might be mentally ill in the mind of the Caine's executive officer, Lieutenant Stephen Maryk, "diagnosing" Queeg as a paranoid.

Maryk keeps a secret log of Queeg's eccentric behavior and decides to bring it to the attention of Admiral William F. Halsey, commanding the Third Fleet. Keefer reluctantly supports Maryk, then gets cold feet and backs out, warning Maryk his actions will be seen as mutiny."

Maryk later organises the eponymous revolt, and Queeg is relieved of his captaincy.

***Sheeeeesh***

"Old Yellowstain", huh?

McMental's Press Conference

2009-06-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

What an absolute fucking disgrace.

All that sententious blethering about "fairness being at the heart of every religion and moral code". Not only is that complete fucking bollocks as any first year theology or philosophy student will tell you, it's the rather tricky definition of what actually constitutes "fairness" which we need to focus on- John Rawls, for instance, had quite a lot to say on that point.

It's the implied assertion that Labour, under Brown's ever more bizarre "leadership", as a "progressive" party (whatever the fuck that means) have the monopoly on "fairness".

No they don't, and that too is obvious to anyone with half a brain. I think Brown is genuinely losing the plot- he's reached the stage where, like millions of nutters before him, he somehow believes that just by saying something is just so, so it will be somehow manifest. Of course, that has been the hallmark of Labour, by and large, for the last twelve years. It's all been about talking a good game whilst doing fuck all in reality, but McMental has now taken this to a whole new level.

"The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons". Usually, when a spiteful and vindictive machine politico like Brown starts spouting this sort of crap, that is my instinctive reaction. We're way past that stage now; but we are into the realms of utter fantasy and delusion and were it not for the damage this sanctimonious cunt has wreaked on our great country I might even begin to feel sorry for him.

"Working Poverty"

2009-06-04T01:52:00.000-07:00

A magnificent diatribe from Deborah Orr in the Independent.

Ed Balls As Next Chancellor?

2009-06-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

Jesus H. Christ on a little pink tricycle- NO!!!!

He's the cunt who got us in the shit in the first place.

Gone Before Sunday?

2009-06-03T15:49:00.000-07:00

Iain Dale has the story, and it has the ring of truth. It smacks of that same kind of sad staleness that motivates has-been '80s bands who reform; they weren't any good in the first place, so why should anybody other than sad, deluded fan club members with torn & faded posters with Blu-tack'd corners believe them?

"A Dreary, Run-down Dump"

2009-06-03T05:36:00.000-07:00

OK, I'm "reaching" a bit here- but that mention in my last post of McMental's government got me Googling "run-down circus", and I came up with the rather spiffing bit of prose below. Disney's "Toby Tyler; or, Ten Weeks With The Circus" was a wholesome, sickly-sweet slice of American hokum aimed at kids, but the novel on which it was based sounds like it was written by a sort of Victorian-era American version of Will Self. The following short review comes from IMDB:

"I've mentioned elsewhere that Disney's adaptations of famous works sometimes avoid the dark and dreary messages of the original works. He wished, it seems, to provide wholesome family entertainment. In this regard, he succeeded. But, after seeing this film, as I did when it first came out, I was horrified when I got around to reading Kahler's book. Let's see the differences.

1.) Toby, in the story, is a sly, fat, lazy glutton, who leaves a brutal orphan's home in order to avoid doing his chores, and being punished for dishonesty. He joins the circus, and wages an undercover war against the evil management.

2.) The circus is a dreary, run-down dump, managed by vicious alcoholics who beat and cripple children. Toby,consequently,starts a guerrilla war against them.

3.) The people who work in the circus, when they aren't brutal bullies, are among the most grotesque characters in Victorian American fiction.

4.) Toby DOESN'T become a star on horses. Mr.Stubbs isn't a cute chimp, but a mangy, pathetic, morose old monkey. And the hunter does kill him.

5.) The story ends with the manager of the orphanage taking Toby back. And you get the feeling that all will not be well.

So, while the film adaptation sticks to some of the facts, the underlying message has been avoided."

*Whew* "The circus is a dreary, run-down dump, managed by vicious alcoholics". Why does that phrase appeal so much? And, get this: they shot Mr. Stubbs.

Like I said, I'm reaching, but that passage, used as an extended metaphor, neatly sums up the twisted vicious lie that was New Labour. Whether it was Blair or Brown at the head, it was all just a fucking lie, a grand self-important illusion created to let sanctimonious tossers the length and breadth of Britain ignore reality and indulge in flights of smug fantasy.

So when that one-eyed fucking arsehole got up in the Commons and started spouting his dreary shite about "lifting children and pensioners out of poverty", yet again I found myself screaming at the radio: "Get your head out of your dank, purulent rectum and take a look out of the window, you cunt. Where is that Social Democratic paradise you keep blethering about? Where is it? It doesn't fucking exist, cheesedick; you've pissed all our money up the wall and everything you have done throughout your fucking wankstain of a life in politics has ended in abject fucking failure and you're too fucking selfish, vain and ignorant to admit it. You might still cling on to a vague hope that your "Presbyterian conscience" will save you, but it wont; and Gordon- Mr. Stubbs is dead".

I'm Back

2009-06-03T05:31:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to blog for a few days now, just as McMental's house of cards began to fall to pieces. However, I'm back and I've got my dancing shoes on in readiness to dance on the mass grave of McMental and his three-ring circus.

There You Go- What Did I Tell You?

2009-05-25T02:14:00.000-07:00

This is going to be brief as I'm blogging from a hotel room.

Yesterday, when I was railing about the arrant fucking stupidity of Rowan Williams, I never dreamd he'd prov me right within an hour or so.

What really fucking annoys me about his fatuous pronouncements is the blatant assumption that the default position of the average Brit is Fascism; furthermore, that the "Left-liberal consensus" (an oxymoron even more telling than "Oldham Athletic", "Vauxhall Frontera Sport" or "Microsoft Works") feel they must address us de haut en bas with that nannying, finger-wagging tone.

We're not Fascists, and neither are we naive; on the other hand we know a fuckwit when we see one.

Those Stupid Eyebrows Give The Game Away

2009-05-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

The fatuous Archbishop of Canterbury has been wittering in the "Times" and has followed Nadine Dorries' lead, asking whether "enough is enough ?".

The short answer to that one is: "No."

A slightly longer answer is "No, and don't be so fucking stupid".

Completely at odds and out of touch with great unwashed as usual, Williams really is a monumental fucking pillock and a total waste of space.

Over the last couple of years I've adopted a simple and handy rule of thumb when it comes to taking a view on public affairs. If you take the completely opposite and contrary stance to anything Williams does or advocates, you will be right and the whole world will agree with you, because Williams is a fucking mad blethering old ninny who has absolutely fucking zero in the way of common sense.

It's those eyebrows that give it away; anybody fucking vain enough and crass enough to believe that your eyebrows should be cultivated and backcombed to the extent that it looks like you've got two grey squirrels perched on your forehead is a fucking grade-A world-class fucking idiot.

Overheard In The Pub

2009-05-22T07:23:00.001-07:00

In my local, where the conversation has been dominated by the subject of MPs' expenses claims for quite a few days now.

"One of the b*ggers even bought one of them ladyboys you know"

Cue puzzled frowns- I mean, the claims officers were lenient to the point of insanity, but this. . .

"Ladyboy? You sure about that?"

"Aye. A ladyboy. One of them reclining armchairs".

Spot the difference:

"Ladyboy"

AND

"Laz-E-Boy"

Oh Jesus, When Will They Ever Get It?

2009-05-22T05:48:00.000-07:00

More steering-wheel-bending moments this morning, listening to "Today".

First up was Nadine Dorries, who I've had the hots for recently- feisty Scouse one-time nurse (phwoaar), MILF-y pics all over the papers, maligned in Smeargate etc. I was right behind her (stop sniggering at the back) until I heard her whingeing. Look, love. There is no point blaming "the system", right? It's a child of Parliament and you're nearly all complicit to a certain degree, because we haven't heard much in the way of dissent until the shit hit the fan when it was waaaaay too fucking late. You've brought this on youselves, so take your medicine and keep your gob shut until the cull is over, OK?

Next it was the egregious Pound. This oleaginous cunt is usually guaranteed to get me foaming at the mouth in incoherent apopleptic rage, and the fucker again failed to disappoint. When the twat had the sheer fucking brass neck to blame the whole debacle on a supposed failure by Thatcher to come up with a pay rise back in the '80s. . .well, I shit you not- as we sat there festering in an M62 tailback you could see the cars rocking as their occupants flailed around looking for something to fucking punch, and above the drone of the traffic on the opposite carriageway and the idling diesels you could hear a ragged chorus of "OHHH, FFFFFUCKKKKK OFFFFFF YOU CUNTTTT!!!!"

Now This Is What I Call A Story. . .

2009-05-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

This is just fucking awesome

Prescott Is As Charming As Ever

2009-05-19T23:52:00.000-07:00

Prescott has told a lobby journalist to "fuck off". He's blogged about it on "Finish Fourth", and claims he only told Tom Bradby's producer to "sod off".

Fucking hell. Will that fat fucking oaf ever get it?

What a fucking scenario. There was the fuckwitted lardarse, leading a delegation of foreign dignitaries around the Mother Of Parliaments at the very moment when the most significant constitutional crisis in recent history has come to its head. He had the opportunity to comment, but felt unable to do so -no doubt because he's an old-fashioned thick-as-pigshit class-warrior just like The Gorbals Gobshite and was hacked off at another Old Labour figurehead falling off the perch.

You might have thought, however, that the situation called for some dignified response: "Not right now, I'm afraid. I'm pretty busy showing these ladies and gentlemen how our system operates", or words to that effect.

Not if you're a dickheaded incompetent bully like Prescott, though. "John being John" means acting like a stupid graceless cunt and being proud of it.

"Defying The Rules"

2009-05-19T23:27:00.000-07:00

. . . Mr Brown said any Labour MP found to have "defied the rules" will not be allowed to stand at the next election.

So, according to the Beeb, it looks like Squirrel Nutkin is doomed.

No mention though of the hapless fuckwit Darling, or "Hoon" Hoon, or the odious McNulty even though they've been troughing it just as much as the Ginger Minger and Plod may be investigating their claims.

It's not just the Beeb- Our 'Azel is being seen by the whole of the MSM as being In The Bed By The Door as far as The Parteh is concerned, but nary a mention of those other venal twats.

So it makes me wonder: what does McMental mean when he speaks of "defying" the rules? Note he doesn't say "breaking", "disobeying" or "failing to honour the spirit of . . .". Instead, we get this disingenuous concept of "defiance", which can mean anything you fucking well want it to mean come reshuffle time. It proves that McMental is still politicking away even in the midst of this constitutional crisis and will use it to further his own ends.

If I'm right, it proves that McMental really has lost the plot if he thinks he can get away with this sophistry.

Michael White, The Gorbals Gobshite And "The Awkward Squad"

2009-05-19T06:18:00.000-07:00

Dame Michael White on the Beeb just now.

Described yesterday's historic and unprecendented scenes in the Commons as harassment of the Speaker by "the awkward squad", and admitted that he was surprised by the likelihood of Martin resigning.

That just goes to prove what a twat White is. Either he's got his head so firmly up NuLabour's collective arse that he's lost whatever passed for a sense of political radar he may once have had; that, or he's so wrapped up in the cosy MSM lobby/MP scenario ("Let's have lunch, darling") that he simply just doesn't "get it".

Either way, he's misread the biggest political story of a generation, and that makes him a pisspoor excuse for a journalist. Twat.

. . . But Will It Really Stop The Cows Farting?

2009-05-15T01:44:00.000-07:00

Just to show that unalloyed fucking stupidity and dickheaded mean-spirited sanctimonious intolerance aren't confined to British public life, here's a story from that charming country, Belgium*-

"The Belgian city of Ghent is about to become the first in the world to go vegetarian at least once a week.

"Starting this week there will be a regular weekly meatless day, in which civil servants and elected councillors will opt for vegetarian meals.

"Ghent means to recognise the impact of livestock on the environment.

"The UN says livestock is responsible for nearly one-fifth of global greenhouse gas emissions, hence Ghent's declaration of a weekly "veggie day".

"Public officials and politicians will be the first to give up meat for a day.

"Schoolchildren will follow suit with their own veggiedag in September.

"It is hoped the move will cut Ghent's environmental footprint and help tackle obesity.

"Around 90,000 so-called "veggie street maps" are now being printed to help people find the city's vegetarian eateries".

Fuck me. I love the "option"- like that's not been forced on the poor bastards who staff the mayor's office, and the kids will likewise face similar tut-tutting from their Lefty arsehole teachers. And the silly cunts have gone and printed 90,000 fucking maps- if they followed their own fucking juvenile logic they might have stopped to consider what kind of "carbon footprint" that particular exercise in fatuity leaves behind.

* My travels take me to Belgium a few times a year. I like the Belgians on the whole; ugly bastards with ill-fitting trousers in the main, but nevertheless genuinely friendly, and any nation that brews strong beer in random flavours and consumes industrial quantities of chips can't be all bad. But- here's the thing- I really fucking resent paying 25 cents to some moustachio'd hag every time I go for a piss.

Truscott: Oh Jesus, I Think My Brain Is Going To Explode.

2009-05-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't been able to post for a couple of days, due to a trip Down South to watch a rather splendid game of football, and work and family pressures; and when "real life" suddenly looms large, you begin to wonder deep down whether, just maybe, you might be getting a little fatigued of all this. . . this stuff

Troughing, corrupt, immoral MPs; Smeargate; Gorbals Mick, the worst Speaker in history; bent peers; Hazel Blears (fuck me, this could turn into an Ian Dury lyric if I'm not careful).

There's so much of it; people are so angry; and yet life seems to be bumbling along as normal, and when we got to Minging Campbell and that daft twat Opik, I thought: "Fucking hell- this is only a few days old, and yet the extraordinary is now commonplace, and it's losing the propensity to shock. It's like we went from Sputnik to Apollo 17 in just over a week."

Then, driving home tonight I heard that cunt Truscott trying to justify himself on P.M. and, I shit you not, I nearly bent the steering wheel in sheer fucking blind desperate rage. Despite having been found culpable by his peers (fuck me, Magna Carta in action), the turd whined that he was fifty, had been involved in politics for over thirty years, and he hadn't gone into politics to make money. The fucking brazen cunt: he was caught by the Sunday Times offering his services at £2000 per day to act on behalf of lobbyists.

(That sound of a forehead banging desk repeatedly, again).

"Gorbals Mick" Typifies The NuLabour Way Of Screwing Things Up

2009-05-12T01:50:00.000-07:00

From "Tobacco Road", by Erskine Caldwell:

(The sharecropping Lester family have, by a stroke of good fortune, acquired sufficient funds to buy a brand new car. They decide to drive into Augusta, Georgia, but ruin the car due to their collective stupidity, wilful ignorance and comic ineptitude.) Dude cranked up the engine and puthe car into gear. Jeeter and Bessie hopped on the running board just in time because Dude soon had the car going fast. The engine had cooled and they were going faster than the Negroes' car. They gained on the car ahead and were getting ready to pass it, when suddenly the engine began knocking louder than ever, and they came to a stop.

"This is the durndest automobile I ever saw," Jeeter said. "It don't do the same thing long enough to make me accustomed".

They had stopped this time on top of the hill. Dude was getting ready to let it roll down, when Jeeter saw the filling-station, and he told Dude to wait a minute.

"I'll bring some water and put it in," he said.

He crossed the road and went into the filling-station. He was back in a few minutes carrying a bucket of water. The man who ran the station came out with him.

While Jeeter was unsrewing the radiator cap, the other man was raising the bonnet to measure the oil.

"The trouble with you people, brother," he said, "is you ain't got a drop of oil in your car. Your bearings is burned out. How far did you come from?"

Jeeter told him they lived near Fuller on the old tobacco road.

"You've already ruined your new car," he said, "That's a shame. I hate to see people who don't know no better ruining automobiles."

A bit of a laboured (no pun intended) metaphor, maybe, but The Speaker's resonse to public criticism of MPs yesterday was just jaw-dropping in its bone-headedness and abject failure to grasp the issues at stake. Martin typifies the NuLabour approach to our constitution, which is a centuries-old mish-mash of custom, convention and both common and statute law. Parachuted into the position to satisfy some sort of bargain made with Old Labour, Martin has been spectacularly inept and overtly biased, and his troughing and schmoozing have brought dishonour on the office of Speaker- he's supposed to be a symbol of parity, honesty and considered judgment. Instead, he's a fucking disgrace.

Everytime that NuLabour tries to engage with our constitution and reform it in any significant way, they fuck it up. Just like those useless, irredeemable hillbillies they just can't be trusted with anything valuable, because they will just fuck it up.

Douglas Carswell- You're A Proper Bloke.

2009-05-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

Motion of no confidence in the Speaker
Enough is enough.

I've drafted the text of a motion for the Speaker to quit, and to be replaced by a new Speaker with a mandate to clean up the Commons. I'm consulting the Commons Table Office for advice on it.

I'm also starting to canvass for support for it from colleagues.

UPDATE: Table Office has just approved some text for a suitable motion.

Posted on 11 May 2009 by Douglas Carswell

Squirrel Nutkin Has Dropped A Bollock

2009-05-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

Apologies for the lack of posting over the last couple of days; I've had some major problems with signing-in to blogger.com.

Anyroad, it's looking bleak for Squirrel Nutkin. The Ginger Minger, being the smug, self-satisfied little fuckwit that she is, has failed abysmally to (a) outflank McMental and (b) gauge the public mood, so much so that she's looking like she's for the chop. Good riddance- a fucking crap politician, promoted way beyond her abilities with the most annoying public persona of anyone save Derek Draper and that fucking weird antique-dealing kid who once appeared on "Wogan" and went on to have a sex-change.

On the mantelpiece in Hazel Blears's House of Commons office, alongside the obligatory pictures of constituents visiting parliament, sits the following framed poem:

I am not everybody
I am one
I cannot do everything
I can do some.
That which I can do
God expects me to do
With the help of God and each other.

The fucking tax-dodging hypocritical holier-than-thou motorcycling turd forgot to add ". . . and a few thousand quid courtesy of the poor fucking taxpayer".

The end can't come soon enough.

Sleaze Updates

2009-05-10T22:53:00.000-07:00

The Tories are now in the firing line, much to the delight of the Beeb. They haven't laid a glove on Cameron, but Michael Gove looks like he's got some explaining to do. Fraser Nelson is doing his best to spin this one away, but nobody's buying it. Nelson is getting torn a new arsehole in the comments section, and according to the Telegraph Gove will repay some of the claims.

Unfortunately, this gives Liebour some wiggle room, and the Beeb is ignoring a really dynamite story. Margaret Moran has been defending her expenses claims on the basis that her partner lives in Southampton, but as Iain Dale reveals, according to the electoral register he lives in Luton with Moran.

In the meantime, it looks like the Telegraph has sucker-punched Woolyarse.

Anagram Time

2009-05-09T14:38:00.000-07:00

Philip Woolas, MP:

Palish Wool Pimp

Mishap Will Poop

Limp Wisp Hoopla

Allows Hippo Imp

And best of all:

O, Owlish Pimp Pal

The Biggest Book In The World. . .

2009-05-08T07:58:00.000-07:00

is Gordon Brown's Book Of Excuses.

Here's another variation on "it all started in America"

When will these spineless arsebrains ever learn to take personal responsibility for their actions? They created "the system"; they are wholly responsible for its operation and any blame attaches to them.

Again, words fucking fail me.

(Sound of forehead banging desk repeatedly, again).

The Lancastrian Oik

"Fleet Street's Equivalent Of The Rampton Secure Unit"

Patronising Lies And Seigneurial Arrogance

Muddied Thinking

Moral Insanity

Bluebottle's Big Adventure

The Twelve Commandments

And Now An Unexpected And Unprecedented Outbreak Of Common Sense At The Guardian

"Happiness By The Way Of Virtue"

Quote Of The Day

I Predict A Riot

Keir Starmer Gets His Knickers In A Twist

Bienvenue Aux Pays De Pederastes

Knock The Tree Down, Man

Record Profits, And How To Justify Them

Now Hear This . . .

Democracy At Work

I'm Back

Gone Fishing. . .

Communication Breakdown

Great Timing, Polly

CRB checks.

Class War

"It's Like Deja Vu All Over Again"

No Means No!

"Standpoint" Is Well Worth A Read

"A Weird, Neurotic Leader"

When Saving £120,000,000 Amounts To"Gesture Politics"

Fast Times For Boris

Fake Aid

Demanding Sainthood

"Brown The Betrayer"

This Charming Man

Going To The Zoo Tomorrow

Let Us Now Praise Famous Men

All Shall Have Prizes

British Army 1 - New Labour 0

"Dear Muammar"

Inglorious Bastard

Why Play The Ball When You Can Always Play The Man?

Now The Bastards Have Got Dannatt In The Cross-Hairs

Polly And The Tide Of Blue Water

Mascara Boy, Thoughtcrime, Student Politics And 30,000 Deaths

Oh, That's All Right Then

Stop The Pigeon

Segregated Swimming

Ask A Silly Question

Moral Lunacy

"We'd Like To Know A Little Bit About You For Our Files. . ."

The Heir To Roderick Spode

Suicide Bomber Video Outtakes

"Top Gear" v. Guardianistas

Airports Are Strange, Exotic Places, Or : "Because Of The Unique Way It's Funded. . ."

Mr. "Justice" Eady

Just In Case You Were Wondering, It Really Is OK To Eat Mermaids

Oh For Fuck's Sake- A Copper Swore. So Fucking What?

Normal Service Will Be Resumed Shortly

Beatrix Gets Torn A New One.

Pagan Plod

Private Prosecution Of Jacqui Smith

The Pure Undistilled Genius That Goes By The Name Of "Leg Iron"

More Lunacy From Local Government Nazis. . .

Fraser Nelson Shows How And Why Brown Has Failed

Showbiz Kid

"Big Brother"- Does Anybody Give A Shit? Really?

Balls . . .

0% Increase In Spending

Immigration- Scary Statistics

As Ever, They Haven't Thought This One Through- Or Have They?

Bercow- Oh, For Christ's Sake

Dog-like devotion

Enough. Time To March.

"Public Interest"? Really?

Roadkill

"Cash? That'll Do Nicely, Thanks".

*****Smeargate Resurrected***** Or: Dolly Draper, The Gift That keeps On Giving

Another Reason To Despise Peter Hain (With Added Alliteration)

How To Disappear Completely

"Old Yellowstain"

McMental's Press Conference

Smeargate Resurrected Or: Dolly Draper, The Gift That keeps On Giving

I'm Back